Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Man surprised to learn his real age
By Lucien Privitt
A cowpoke was in shock when he was given his original birth certificate. “I didn’t quite know my age or birthday, figured around 30,” they said, “but it was plain as day, I’m only 20!” It is not uncommon for folks to not know their age, with many not having official records of their birth. There are residents who have lived in the Five States their entire life and guess their age. Most are believed to be estimating their age within a one to two years and more often than not, they are older than they realize. “It is a bit odd for a fella to be a decade younger than they though,” a doctor said, “it suggests they have lived a hard life, aging their body much faster than it should be aging, so to speak.”
Though in shock, the cowpoke now has more years to look forward to, possibly. The Five States is still a dangerous place and tomorrow is promised to no one, regardless of age.
Van der Linde gang spotted in Armadillo
By Jose Chavez
Local lawmen in Armadillo reported spotting three members of the Van der Linde game, including the leader Dutch himself. One member was unidentified while another was believed to be the gang’s main gunman. It is unclear what the gang was doing in Armadillo but federal lawmen did arrive in town as did a few Pinkerton agents. The gang, if it was ever there at all, was gone by the time the agents arrived. Federal agents were quiet about why the gang may be in New Austin, however one Pinkerton agent did give some information.
“You didn’t hear it from me, but we believe the gang is planning something big in the state,” the agent said. They were unable to elaborate on what they were planning, however. State lawmen are on high alert.
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Tragedy for explorer
By Jane Duran
The danger of the cold is frequently ignored. Cowpokes often go into the coldest regions of the Five States with nothing but a hearty meal for protection. A hearty meal may offer the feeling of protection, but the cold starts to assault the body long before one feels it. One woman learned this the hard way. While traveling through Ambarino a woman suddenly found her arms feeling numb. She climbed onto her horse and managed to ride into Strawberry, where the town doctor gave her unfortunate news: her arms were gone.
“They weren’t like, literally gone but they were useless,” the doctor said, “dead appendages from too much exposure to the cold.” The woman had both arms removed before the damage spread further. “It ain’t easy, but one can live without arms,” the doctor said. The woman left town on a wagon, heading back to home. Her fate remains unclear but she lives to fight another day.
Chaos breaks out in Strawberry
By Odell Clifton
A quiet morning turned into several tense moments filled with screaming, explosions, and flying bodies. A traveler was leading their horse through town when someone drove a wagon wildly be him and hit him. The traveler was thrown to the ground but their horse was okay. “It seems they drove slightly to the side to avoid my horse,” they said, “but not me, it seems.” Someone must have been clinging to the roof of the wagon because as the wagon turned sharply, a man was sent flying off the wagon and onto the ground. Explosions began going off around the wagon, startling the rest of town out of their calm reverie.
The wagon then exploded completely. It is unclear what was being transported, but some suggest casks of gunpowder. Though at least one person suggested it was part of an illegal alcohol operation. Those involved fled the town and nobody was arrested. “It is a shame that the criminals escaped,” Sheriff Hanley said, “but my deputies prioritized helping folks who were harmed over catching the outlaws.” Only one death was reported, but it was not a resident. The body was too damaged to be identified, but it was one of the outlaws.
Strange abduction reported
By Ivy Seager
A woman was found tied up and passed out next an animal carcass. The passerby was concerned and dismounted from their horse to check on the woman. To their shock and relief, the woman was alive and had just fell unconscious. The stranger unbound the woman and learned what happened. The woman explained that she was tackled and hogtied by a stranger dressed in white. Before she could react, she said she found herself on the ground and tightly bound by the wrists. “I had feared the worst,” the woman said, “I heard him walking back to me and then, a big thump and he rode off.” The attacker did not return to harm her, but to drop a dead animal next to her.
It is unclear what the motive was, but the woman is alive and well. Her arms a bit a sore but she did take the animal and sold it to a local butcher.
Murder in the Saints Hotel
By Donna Deshner
A woman was found hogtied and murdered in Valentine this week. A deputy heard the gunshot and rushed into the hotel, sprinting passed the clerk. “I heard the shot myself and turned around,” said hotel owner Arnold Dunn, “and then heard the door open and saw that lawman rush upstairs.” The deputy pushed open a few doors until he found the victim. A woman dressed in traveling clothes was found hogtied on the floor, shot in the head. The murderer was not at the scene. Several witnesses reported an Indian fleeing the hotel from the rear exit. Deputies searched the area around Valentine but were unable to find the murderer or any evidence that could identify them.
The victim’s body was taken to the town doctor’s office to be stored until next of kin could be contacted. However, the body disappeared overnight. “I don’t know what happened, nobody could have gotten into that area without a key,” Dr. Ben Calloway said, “that door could only have been opened from the inside, and well, nobody alive was inside.” It is unclear where the body went. The victim’s firearms had been taken to the sheriff department for safe keeping but those too were gone the next day.
Strange fog overtakes Saint Denis
By Emeline Vickroy
Saint Denis residents were caught off guard by a sudden deep fog. The fog rolled in and quickly blanketed the city. However, this fog went deep, penetrating buildings as well. One resident enjoying a drink at the Bastille Saloon was shocked when they were suddenly unable to see a foot in front of them. “Folks panicked and got up to leave,” one patron said, “but folks coming down the steps were a bit clumsy without sight and more than one person fell down.” Though the injuries were later determined to not be serious, it did not help at the time and added to the panic.
Several people ran out of the fogged buildings into the streets of Saint Denis only to realize the fog pressed against them every where they went. “It felt so oppressive, like we were being suffocated by the fog!” one resident said of the situation. After about an hour the fog slowly seemed to retreat from the city, leaving its residents unsure of what they experienced.
Disgraced British Explorer Seeking Funds!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax – Lead Correspondent
Education requires monetary funds; it’s a sad fact of life everyone involved in the profession must deal with. Archeology, above all, is dependent on funding from institutions, nations, or wealthy benefactors in order to progress. If one’s reputation is ruined, you are unlikely to get the backing of all three.
Such is the fate of Sir Archibald Fotherington-Smythe. A noted archeologist from Britain, his reputation was severely mauled by a controversy concerning mummies in Egypt. He claimed to have received one in port; the government claimed the mummy was a gift meant for Spain. As a result, funding for Fotherington-Smythe’s digs has effectively dried up.
It has been reported that Fotherington-Smythe has arrived in Saint-Denis, looking to find anyone who would fund expeditions into the Middle East, for what none can say. Rumors are he has met with arachnological societies, the mayor, and even the seedy criminal element, although he outwardly denies such claims.
Comments from local archeologists, provided anonymously, all mock Fotherington-Smythe, calling him a foppish oaf who would be best suited to cleaning museums instead of stocking them with artifacts. Fotherington-Smythe is expected to stay in Saint-Denis for the foreseeable future.
The Five States Herald 