Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Blackouts linked to unidentified bug
By Adam Parvey
We recently reported on a health related epidemic impacting the Five States that has residents blacking out for periods of time. While some folks wake up soon after blacking out, others are out for several hours at a time. The rise in blackouts is unique the Five States, as nowhere else in the U.S. has seen a significant rise in blackouts. Researchers believe they may have found a breakthrough early in their investigation. “To be thorough, we took samples from inside effected individuals’ noses,” said one researcher, “and we found a very small insect, a bug that we had to see under a microscope to view in detail.” The bug is at the moment unidentified. Researchers took samples of other Five States residents who have not been effected and found either no trace of the bug or just a small amount. “We think in time, if this bug is not addressed, a wider part of the Five States community will be impacted,” the researchers said, “we need to identify this bug and eradicate it.”
The researchers have colleagues collecting samples across the Five States to compare to the samples they have already collected. Samples of the bugs have also been sent to universities. “As for treatment, I am using cocaine,” said one researcher, “I am not sure if it kills the bugs or just stimulates me enough to not blackout, but I’ve lived here for two years and feel fine!” Despite the comment, the group of researchers declared adamantly that they do not support cocaine as a treatment. Yet.
Bounty hunter claims bounty hunting system is corrupt
By Jose Chavez
A bounty hunter in New Austin took a bounty in Tumbleweed. The target was last seen in the location known as Cueva Seca, near Tumbleweed. The bounty hunter fought through several armed men to capture the wanted man, however, at some point between the capture and returning to Tumbleweed, the bounty was canceled. The bounty hunter was offered no money and, worse, told he had to free the man or face abduction charges.
The bounty hunter freed their target and them immediately filed a complaint. “I am looking to hire an attorney,” said the bounty hunter, Martin Faussett, “I don’t know who is being protected or benefiting from this, but I am going to get the bottom of it.” The operators of the bounty hunting system, which is made up of various state authorities in the Five States, did not comment.
Man claims to have run-in with The Executioner
By Jane Duran
A man met a woman, and according to him, she tried to kill him. “This woman, I saw her making eyes at me, wanting a married man,” said Hector McCort, “so yes, I made sure to talk to her, you know, to set the record straight.” Mr. McCort says that he met the woman in Valentine but traveled with her to Window Rock. “She said she enjoyed the view there, said it was romantic,” Mr. McCort stated, “and I figured it would be a nice as place as any to let her down softly, you know.” Mr. McCort says they spent some time together, and then, while he was sitting he felt the barrel of the gun on the back of his head.
“I swung my arm back so fast and then ran,” Mr. McCort said, “I jumped into the Dakota River and never looked back.” When asked to describe the woman, Mr. McCort said, “like a dream, sparkling blue eyes, hair as dark as the night, a complexion so fair it seemed snow covered.” Mr. McCort did not get the woman’s name, however. The description was not sufficient to create a list of suspects, but authorities are now looking for a dark haired woman with blue eyes as their suspect.
Blackwater resident dies after being thrown off a building
By Odell Clifton
Residents of Blackwater were shocked when a man fell from the sky. Several people looked up and saw a man standing on a building looking down. They did not resist arrest. Though nobody saw the man pushed from the building, it was obviously foul play and not an accident. “There is no way he fell, he damn near flew off the building,” said a policeman, “had he fallen by accident he wouldn’t have fallen so far out, but there was plenty of momentum behind the fall.”
The man tossed from the building did not die immediately, but was unconscious as soon as he hit the ground. While he was immediately seen and treated, it was not enough. He succumb to his injuries overnight, turning the arrested man’s charge from battery to murder.
Rise of the Bomb!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Gunpowder was first used by the Chinese more than half a millennia ago. It then developed into a weapon of war for guns and rockets, but it also could be utilized as a powerful explosive. Cannons, handheld bombs, and grenades, these have significantly developed since the Middle Ages, to an alarming degree.
During the Civil War, grenades and boxes of TNT were used to deadly effect, but they weren’t something a civilian could get their hands on with ease. Nowadays, the boundaries are much narrower and more ill-defined. It’s not hard to make or find gunpowder; after that, you only need a fuse if you want a raw explosion.
Even an amateur bombmaker can make a timed fuse or find a sticky substance to make a bomb stick. You can mix nails for makeshift shrapnel, yet more gunpowder for a thunderous explosion, or even something outside the box like diseased animal blood if one is sick enough.
This is a problem, because various organizations have been detonating bombs across Europe and the Americas. Some for political change, some to kill hated leaders, and some just because they want to spread chaos. If such a bomb is easy to construct, then it means nearly anyone walking around could be carrying a device that will kill a large number of people.
U.S. Government officials are well aware, but haven’t done anything to prevent another deadly workers riot or political assassination. I only hope such fears do not come about anytime soon, but I know that’s probably optimistic, if not naïve.
Sheep farmer gets in dispute with cowpoke
By Emery Cosberry
A cowpoke traveling through Valentine has gotten into a dispute with a local sheep farmer. The cowpoke was riding through the sheep pens, vaulting over the fences as he went. Several farmhands attempted to chase the cowpoke off but were unsuccessful. The cowpoke shouted, “I just need to jump over one more!” Unfortunately, the cowpoke was not paying attention to where they were going at that moment. Their horse leaped over a fence only to crash into a sheep. The cowpoke and the horse survived, but the sheep’s injuries were too severe and it had to be put down.
The farmer approached the cowpoke, but was knocked out with a single punch. The cowpoke then fled. By the time the farmer got back up and filed a report with the local sheriff, the cowpoke was gone and unable to be identified.
Half a dozen bank robbers arrested when they get stuck in the bank
By Emeline Vickroy
The town of Rhodes woke up to alarms going on this week after a failed bank robbery. Witness accounts vary, but 6-10 people allegedly approached the Rhodes bank early Thursday morning. One witness said a two went in first and got in line. The others followed a few minutes later and closed the doors behind them. Witnesses in the bank say that as soon as the masks were pulled over their faces and the guns were pulled out, panic followed. The robbers got access to the bank vault, threatening customers and the bank manager.
However, while emptying the vault’s contents into bags, the vault door was shut. It is not clear how the vault door got shut, whether the robbers mistakenly closed it or a brave witness did the deed. Not a single witness said they saw the vault door shut, only noticed it after the face. The robbers not in the vault realized something was wrong and fled the scene. Alarms were then triggered. After plenty of deputies arrived, the door was open and the robbers were arrested. It took some time, but the vault’s contents were returned to their correct place.
Longbowmen Returning to the Battlefield?
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
The days of gunpowder and shot are pretty well entrenched after several long centuries. They are more powerful than any other projectile, not difficult to make, and quite accurate now. Yet some don’t want the past to fully die, even if the past, is quite ancient.
The English Longbow dominated during the Late Middle Ages, being used in Scotland and France, most famously at the Battle of Crécy and Battle of Agincourt. Of course, that was 1346 and 1415, which is not exactly recent. The longbow died off not long after the 16th century, replaced by guns, until maybe now.
A small regiment in England is content to bring back the longbow to fight the enemies of the British Empire. Said regiment is stationed in Jamaica, which isn’t exactly known for large wars, but this is still a notable decision. The Queen has signaled she supports the decision, if only to keep the tradition going.
Other nations have mocked the decision, especially France and Germany, with the German state even taunting that they shall revive the Teutonic Order in response. While easy to mock, that bow means a lot to British soldiers and nationalists. Far be it from me to mock a culture.
The Five States Herald 