Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
French Royal Family Still Remains!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
I don’t know how much the ordinary people in these lands know about France, but I suspect they know it was once led by a royal family. The key word is once: the king and his wife were executed over a century ago during the French Revolution. After a while, the monarchy returned to power, but it too eventually fell and will likely never return, with France now blooming into a republic.
This does not mean the royal family no longer draws breath, for numerous members still live. Some are distant cousins; some are direct descendants of the old kings and queens. A few are even still wealthy or influential citizens of the new republic.
Unsurprisingly, these family members did not think highly of the Revolution and the wars that followed, but they hold a surprisingly wide range of opinions on whether it was deserved. A few, like the great-great-great-grandchildren of Marie Antoinette, think the actions of the lower classes were wildly unjustified. But some who are perhaps more distantly related, feel that the entire event was inevitable and possibly justified due to the widening gap between have and have not.
It shows that even those who were born with a golden spoon can sometimes learn that there is a good reason not to live in a giant palace anymore.
Stillwater Creek boar frustrates hunter
By Jose Chavez
A hunter searched for the rare Icahi Boar in Stillwater Creek but was left disappointed. They found their way into Armadillo, where they complained about the failed hunt while downing copious amounts of alcohol. They said they followed every clue they could find, tracking the beast far and wide over the Stillwater Creek area. However, their search led to a dead end. “I just couldn’t find the damn boar, try as I might,” the hunter said, “and I couldn’t find any other clues.” A man fishing in the area spoke to the hunter, but had not seen the boar either.
The hunter eventually gave up, riding west to Armadillo. “You don’t go to Blackwater a failure, right?” the hunter said, “no, failures come to a dying town.” The hunter said they are done hunting rare animals for the foreseeable future.
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Saint Denis businessman found dead in Ambarino
By Jane Duran
The normally quiet and cold state is suddenly a hot bed for murderers. For weeks federal investigators under Special Agent Rice Philips have investigated the so called Executioner, a serial murderer believed to kill men who cheat on their wives. The Executioner has used Ambarino lakes to hide the bodies of their victims. Last week another dead body was found, but not in a body of water, but on the side of the rode. That dead body did not match the victims of the Executioner. Authorities hoped it would be a one time murder but this week another body was found in a similar fashion. The victim was a well known Saint Denis businessman, found shot through the heart with a lump of coal in his chest pocket.
Like the victim last week, this businessman was accused of treating employees poorly. A group of employees allegedly attempted to unionize. The plant they worked at was promptly closed, costing them their jobs. A new plant was opened weeks later with new employees. Jonn Tobin, the victim, was last seen on Tuesday night taking a train from Saint Denis Station. His body was found near O’Creagh’s Run, suggesting that Mr. Tobin got off the train in Annesburg. Nobody saw him, however, so it is unclear when he was attacked. An investigation is ongoing.
Murder in Blackwater in front of Police Station
By Odell Clifton
A shocking murder took place in Blackwater this week. Residents were stunned by the boldness and quickness in which the murder took place. In fact, a Blackwater policeman saw witnessed it but was unable to react. “It is a great shame of mine, I admit,” the policeman said, “a woman walked up and waved to a man and then, well, pulled out a gun and killed the poor sap in the blink of an eye!” The butcher also witnessed the murder, similarly describing it as happening, “faster than a lightning strike.” The Blackwater policeman who witnessed the killing admitted that he hesitated, not quite sure what had happened.
“The killer reacted faster,” the butcher said, “having shoved the policeman down and fleeing town on her horse.” The policeman got up and sounded the alarm, whistling to alert other policemen. Several policemen chased her out of town, but she crossed the train tracks north of Blackwater just as the train was approaching, leaving the lawmen unable to follow. She remains at large.
Sheep killer wanted in New Hanover
By Donna Deshner
The search is on for a man wanted for killing sheep in Valentine. Though the man remains unidentified, a partial description was provided to local deputies. The man was described as having long hair, wearing a brown hair, and a leather coat. “Yes we have a description,” said a Valentine deputy, “but it ain’t worth a damn as half the folks that come through here match it.” What is very clear is how the man performed the deed. Witnesses say the man entered approached the sheep pens and then tossed a couple of bottles in. The bottled broke and a toxic gas escaped into the air. “Based on witness statements and residue found at the scene, we believe it was a substance called toxic moonshine,” a deputy confirmed.
The gas comes from a moonshine made with a oleander sage. The result is liquor that is both poisonous and disgusting. Toxic moonshine emits a gas that is nearly as poisonous as the liquid itself. Adult humans can survive inhaling the toxic fumes if they can escape the cloud of gas and get to fresh air. The sheep, however, were unable to escape and died a horrible death. Authorities were not immediately aware of the attack because it was relatively quiet, as glass breaking in Valentine is hardly an irregular event. A ranch hand saw the killings and ran to the Sheriff’s office but when they arrived they the attacker was gone. Authorities are encouraging anyone with information about the sheep killer to speak with a Valentine deputy as soon as possible.
Family shocked by strange traveler
By Mathilde Orry
A family in the process of a move to Saint Denis was surprised by a traveler who nearly stole their wagon. “We were riding along, a rather peaceful trip,” said Benjamin Baker, the family’s patriarch, “and this fella rides up to me and just jumps onto my wagon!” The man leaped onto the wagon, grabbed Mr. Baker and threw him off the wagon before taking the driver’s seat. “I shouted at him, worried for my family you understand,” Mr. Baker explained, “and then he just jumped off the wagon, whistled for his horse, and then rode off.” Mrs. Baker brought the horse and wagon to a halt as Mr. Baker got up and shook himself off. “The fella didn’t explain anything,” Mr. Baker said, “just rode off, I suppose no harm no foul, aside from my ego and my shoulder.” Saint Denis police took the report when the Bakers arrived in the city, but admitted it is unlikely they will be able to catch him. “It happened quickly, so I never really saw him clearly,” Mr. Baker admitted. Besides the strange attack, the Bakers arrived in Saint Denis safely and have started their new life in the modern city.
A Napoleon lives in Blackwater!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
As reported, the old French royal family that bloomed under Louis XIV is still around in some truncated form. It would probably not surprise the reader, that a particular other family from recent French history is also still around in a similar capacity.
Before the Victorian era, we lived in the Napoleonic era, defined by the one-time emperor of France, the man they called Boney. He died nearly a century ago in the Atlantic on a forgotten island; his only real son died at age 21, but the family lives on.
There is an older French gentleman in Blackwater who usually sits in front of his house and watches the sun rise and fall. He is a cousin of Napoleon, closer in relation to the man who ruled France directly prior to its republic turn. Yet family is still family, and this man bears the surname so many people know.
He cares not for the legacy; it was a different age in so many ways; he does not intend to start a war for control of West Elizabeth, or to pillage Saint-Denis. It is merely ironic that a man of history like this, could find life in a land so far removed from where the family name had originated.
Turkey purchases reach all-time high
By Frederick Vannesse
While many in the United States still hunt their own turkey, store purchases are becoming increasingly popular. Many people live in cities now and are unable to hunt in their local areas. Moreover, many more are simply lack the skill to hunt for anything, even a wild turkey. Stores have increased their stock of turkeys, using new technology to keep the turkeys frozen. Butchers also have reported increased interest in fresh turkeys. “In the past, I’ve purchased a few turkeys from hunters,” said one butcher, “but interest wasn’t so high but I’ve needed to buy more turkeys this year to sell to the domesticated folks!” As families prepare for their annual Thanksgiving Dinner, turkeys all over the nation are in high demand, putting the slow moving birds in peril. Even if you do not hunt yourself, any turkey your purchased had to be hunted first, after all.
English surveyor dies in Australia
By Ivy Seager
It has been learned that George Woodroffe Goyder passed away earlier this month. Mr. Goyder was an English surveyor, previously holding the post of Surveyor General of South Australia. Mr. Goyder retired as the Surveyor General, a post he took in 1861, in 1893 due to his declining health. Mr. Goyder drew what is known as “Goyder’s Line” in South Australia to separate land suitable for farming from land suitable for light grazing. This demarcation of the land is credited for improving agricultural outcomes in South Australia. Mr. Goyder passed away quietly in his home, surrounded by his loved ones.
The Five States Herald 