Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Heroic Woman Honored by Newsboy!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
You wouldn’t know her name, even if you lived in her country of origin. But you probably should know the story; it’s a good one. Catherine Read died this week, somewhere in her upper 70s. She had lived a cherished life, but you wouldn’t have known from just the newspapers.
The New York World made this announcement today, buried under several pages concerning everyday issues. The obituary was simple, “Catherine Read passed away from carcinoma at her home; she had been a nurse in a London hospital and abroad for many years.” Something this simple might make you think she did little; she hadn’t.
She had been Nightingale’s assistant during the Crimean War and saved countless soldiers. She had worked as a nurse, yes, in London, for nearly 40 years of her life. She was at one point a key figure in bringing down the notorious mass murderer Amelia Dyer, the killer of children. She has spent the rest of her life attempting to fix the sewage system in London. This is a well-lived life, yet so little made it to print.
Thankfully, a newsboy handing out the paper edited his own obituary; it spoke lovingly of the woman as if he had known her. It is but a simple gesture, but it is one felt from sea to sea for those with a heart and soul. I remember you, I won’t forget.
Arrest made in the Executioner investigation
By Jose Chavez
Federal authorities have made their first arrest in the Executioner investigation. While the arrest was not made public, I found out from a source with knowledge about the case. Gibson Smith was a friend to one of the Executioner’s victims and the victim’s wife. Archibald Keckly was one of the few identified victims of the Executioner. His wife never reported him missing but did confirm that she found out he had cheated on her. “I kicked him out soon as I found out and hadn’t seen him since,” said Mrs. Keckly, “I’m so fortunate to have a friend like Gibson, I can’t believe he had anything to do with it.”
Mr. Gibson was arrested due to his proximity to the victim and knowledge of his cheating, according to my source. Investigators tried to keep the arrest quiet until more evidence about Mr. Gibson was secured. According to my source, the arrest was made early due to concern that he may leave the country. If the arrest holds, then the Executioner’s short killing spree may have come to an end. If not, Agent Philips may end up looking like more of a joke than the Bureau of Internal Revenue.
Fishermen protesting lake closures
By Jane Duran
Federal authorities have put several Ambarino lakes on lockdown. Agents are patrolling the bodies of water and preventing travelers from fishing or swimming in the state’s lakes. Lead investigator Special Agent Rice Philips says the closures of the lakes are for the safety of all residents. “For reasons we do not yet know, the Executioner prefers using Ambarino lakes for body disposal,” Agent Philips said, “we are cutting off the preferred drop off locations to force him to make a mistake.” In addition to keeping the lakes closed, federal investigators have reopened searches of the lakes. Boats and divers have been combing through the lakes looking for bodies and evidence. As of now, there is no known end to the lake closures.
WANTED!
Investigators: Travel the Five States and report on what is going on.
Writers: Write the stories investigators find!
Photographers:
To take photographs to be used in the Herald.
Can also do all three!
Naturalist arrested for murder
By Odell Clifton
A naturalist was arrested for killing a fellow naturalist this week. In a strange twist for a story in the Five States, the murderer turned themselves in. “I.. I didn’t intend to kill them,” the naturalist said, “I just got so goddamn mad!” They explained that they had sedated an animal and drawn a blood sample when they first approached by another cowpoke. “It was all fine, they waved and seemed friendly,” the murderer explained, “then they knelt down and held a rag to the sleeping animal and woke it up!” They said that they sedated another animal only for the stranger to wake that one up as well. “Every animal I sedated and sampled, they woke up,” the naturalist turned killer said. Their patience ran and they pulled out a pistol and shot the cowpoke in the head.
“As soon as they fell dead I knew I messed up,” the murderer said, “so I headed into Blackwater and turned myself in.” He was arrested and lawmen rode out to the scene of the crime. In a strange twist of fate, the body was mostly consumed by wildlife. “We found the body but it was consumed nearly to the bone,” said a Blackwater Policeman, “even the skull was broken into, brain eaten, nothing left to confirm the shooting.” Chief of the Blackwater Police Oswald Dunbar said he may have to release the prisoner. “For now he says he killed the man, but, in a few weeks he may say something else,” Said Chief Dunbar, “and if he changes his story we have no evidence to hold him accountable and it would just waste taxpayer money.”
Valentine to host Halloween candy giveaway
By Emery Cosberry
Valentine is known to be the most violent town in the Five States. In fact, dozens of stories in this paper start with variations of that very line. The people of Valentine want to shed that poor reputation and announced a candy giveaway being supported by everyone in the town. Folks of all ages are welcome to dress up and go door to door to get free candy from townsfolk. The sheep pins will also be cleaned out to host a varieties of games, including one where you try to bite an apple in a barrel of water. There will also free hay rides. “We have a few horse drawn wagons with bales of hay as seats,” said one townsperson, “folks can ride around the town for fun or as a shortcut between games and events!” Valentine deputies will be out in force to ensure there are no hostilities.
Bounty hunter accused of cruelty
By Aloysius Levron
A wanted man was brought into the Saint Denis Police Department this week beaten, bloody, and bruised. He was barely conscious when placed in the cell. Though when he woke up half an hour later he complained about cruel treatment from the bounty hunter that captured him. A claim supported by dozens of Saint Denis residents who witnessed the bounty hunter bringing the man in. “I heard a fella screaming and down the street a man comes riding his horse fast,” a witness said, “and he was pulling a man tied by a rope behind him.” Other witnesses also confirmed the even, describing it as a horrible sight. “The poor man was crying and screaming,” said another resident, “part of his face was just… well like… hamburger meat, you know?” An investigation is being opened into the capture, though the bounty hunter in question left Saint Denis soon after dropped off the bounty, their identity is known to the Saint Denis police.
Naturalists criticize gold nugget bounties for vulture feathers
By Adam Parvey
Fear has swept the Five States in recent weeks. That fear has led to less than typical demands from the local populace. One such demand is for vulture feathers, which when combined with a personal item can be turned into a totem of protection. “Vultures have long been misunderstood but have a, well, long nad complicated relationship with Death,” said one local, “they consume what Death leaves behind and Death need not clean up his mess.” It is said that when tied with a personal item, the vulture feather totem marks one as a friend of Death. “Being a friend of Death gives you a, well, a shield of a sort,” said one totem crafter, “it is not full immunity so you want to keep a low profile, give Death no reason to look at you any closer than necessary.”
The increased demand has led to gold nugget bonuses being offered for vulture feathers, which have drawn the ire of naturalists across the Five States. “Vultures are majestic creatures, scorned for their appearance and scavenger lifestyle,” said one naturalist, “few people are willing to stand up for these creatures that are being hunted because of a superstition!” Several hunters have claimed bounties on vulture feathers this week and naturalists claim there may have been a 25% drop in the vulture population. Naturalists are asking state legislatures to ban the hunting of vultures, but so far no state legislature suggested that they are receptive to the idea.
Panic across the nation as Halloween getes closer
By Frederick Vannesse
Parents across the United States are in a state of panic as authorities have warned that some candy may be tainted with harmful poisons and chemicals. The warning comes as millions across the nation prepare to wander their neighborhoods in costumes asking their neighbors for candy. Parents are now stuck being a rock and a hard place, go our and risk obtaining poisoned candy or disappoint their children. And while it may seem the poisoned candy is the greater risk, many wonder if the risk exists at all. “Who is going to go through all the trouble to poison kids on Halloween?” asked one parent. Though others have already canceled their plans. “You want to know who will poison kids? I’ll tell you?” one parent said, “devil worshipers, they want your children to die as a sacrifice to their devilgod!” Others have taken a middle ground approach, confident they can trick or treat safely but inspecting the collected candy. While authorities have not canceled Halloween trick or treating, they are strongly advising against it.
Ypres Tradition to End!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Across the seas in Belgium lies the ancient city of Ypres; how you pronounce it, nobody knows. To gaze upon it now is to see a small town now guarded by a fort; in its day, it controlled Europe. It was the heart of the cloth trade; many riches were made.
The beating heart was the Great Cloth Hall in the center, a massive structure even now. Centuries ago, rats would eat away at the cloth, so cats were introduced to kill them. They succeeded, but now they were damaging the fabric. Ypres citizens found a quick way to deal with the problem.
Cats were regularly tossed off the roof to their deaths. Such an event became a minor celebration, which in time became a weeklong festival. Each year around this time, when the festival concluded, a cat would be flung from the rooftops. This tradition has now ended as of this year.
Enough locals had been discussing the cruelty on display and the fact cat populations were thinning down. The festival will continue, however, merely with a stuffed cat being tossed onto the streets. Many cats are likely pleased with the news.
The Five States Herald 