Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Past Contains Plans for Flight, so says New York Man
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
The desire to take to the skies like a bird, moving amongst the clouds, is man’s eternal dream. I’m sure those who dwelled in caves felt the same, envy at those who could fly, and dreamed of doing the same. Nowadays, people are trying to fly all the time; one will surely succeed one day. One man thinks the answer is not what’s been recently built, but what was once attempted centuries ago in ages past.
The famous Renaissance Man Leonardo Di Vinci once designed a makeshift flying machine. One a strange corkscrew-like hovering vehicle, and the other a set of gliding wings for a man or woman to use. It’s unclear if either were ever actually made, but plans have survived to this day. An unknown managed to procure a copy from a local museum and intends to build the devices. If a genius of his time like Di Vinci could think of this, surely it must work, he says.
Locals are mixed; some are enthusiastic, others see a tragic end trying to reverse engineer centuries-old Italian technology that maybe never even worked. This man, at the very least, embodies the spirit of get rich or die trying.
Tumbleweed revival coming?
By Jose Chavez
Assessors have arrived in Tumbleweed this week with a goal of revaluating Gaptooth Breach, a mine long believed to be mined dry. “New mining technologies and tactics have opened up new possibilities,” said one assessor, “so we need to reevaluate Gaptooth Breach’s status as a dry mine.” Several shopkeepers are optimistic about the renewed interest the town of Tumbleweed. “In the old days this town was bustling with business, miners needing supplies and such,” said Mavis Chambers, “but it has been much slower the last few years, so be nice if miners come back and bring their money with them.” The Tumbleweed Saloon owner is also excited for the return of miners. “Miners are the best drinkers,” said the bartender, “work hard all day and then come home to a town with nothing to do but drink, good business if the mines open up again.”
The assessors say it is far too early to determine if the mines will be reopened.
Investigators visit the Adler house
By Jane Duran
Investigators looking into the serial killer being called the Executioner visited the Adlers in the Ambarino this week. The Adlers are known for helping other Ambarino residents out and so they often hear rumors about the area. Unfortunately, the Adlers had heard nothing beyond what they read in the paper. Neither Jake nor his wife Sadie had seen anything suspicious or heard any suspicious stories that may be linked to The Executioner. Investigators thoroughly examined Spider Gorge all the way to Lake Isabella and found no evidence that the area was used by the Executioner to dump bodies. For weeks the investigation has turned up nothing. “It would be a mistake to assume that our investigation has produced nothing of value,” one Ambarino Ranger said, “it is true we have no new evidence, but we believe the investigation itself has deterred the Executioner from taking anymore victims.” The Ambarino Rangers say they will continue the investigation until the Executioner is found and brough to justice.
Strange pig-like creature spotted in Tall Trees
By Odell Clifton
A hunter was on the trail of what they thought was a wild boar, but what they found shocked them. “There were boar tracks, so I followed them,” the hunter said, “and I heard it, snorting and not even trying to keep quiet.” The hunter explained that they began tracking the sounds, leading them through thick brush until they spotted their prey. “What I say weren’t like anything I have seen before,” the hunter explained, “it had a pig-like face but a body like a man, and it was snorting and running and rolling in the mud.” The hunter said they watched the creature for a long while with their rifle at the ready. “As I weren’t quite sure what it was, I couldn’t bring myself to kill it,” the hunter said, “I only kill what I can eat or to defend myself, and i ain’t sure that thing could be eaten and it didn’t threaten me.” The hunter silently left the area, leaving the unknown creature where it was.
Man walks into Smithfield’s Saloon and causes the place to clear out
By Emery Cosberry
If you are here to read another story about death and violence, you will be disappointed. Smithfield’s Saloon was cleared out when a traveler walked in, but not for the reasons you might think. “I was halfway into my lamb fry when this fella walked in a stunk the place up!” said one patron who fled with their meal left half eaten on the table. Groans filled the saloon as the traveler’s smell spread and filled the building. “I ain’t ever seen anything like it,” said the bartender, “folks running out faster than they run from shooters!” By the time the traveler made it to bar to order a drink, only the bartender, the pianist, and the barber remained. The traveler must have known something was out of place and knew it was him, because he quickly quickly began to explain the smell.
“Sorry about your customers, been hunting small critters all morning,” the traveler said, “I can get gold nuggets if only I can turn in 20 carcasses in 10 minutes!” The traveler explained, as the bartender gagged, that they first tried collecting a few deer but realized it was unfeasible. So they hunted rodents and small creatures and stuffed their coat pockets with them. “The damn bodies were already decomposing I am sure, they smelled so bad and he didn’t notice,” the bartender said. Eventually the man left, but the smell lingered. The saloon had to be closed for the day to let it air out. The next day the smell was mostly gone and driven the rest of the way out with aroma candles.
Woman Attempts Military Course in Female Regalia!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Take it from me, women’s attire isn’t the most mobile of inventions. The heavy hoop skirt, the corset or stays, the petticoat, it’s a wonder we get out of bed sometimes, let alone walk around at a leisurely pace. You rarely see women in pants or anything of the sort unless it’s a cowgirl or some criminal. The local marines in Saint-Denis were treated to something of the latter today.
At morning call, the recruits got out of bed and were lined up, preparing for some difficult maneuvers and exercises. Except they found an oddity among their ranks, an older woman in her 40s to 50s. She said her name was Mary and that she had been a surgeon in the Civil War and was about to demonstrate that she could keep pace with soldiers. She wore a petticoat, boots, and a hoop-like skirt but with pants underneath it. The instructor cracked jokes, and nobody took her seriously; it was clearly a stunt from local suffragettes. Yet she kept pace and performed all her tasks to the letter of the command, from dawn to dusk, before slipping out when everyone was asleep.
Such attire, pants under dresses, haven’t been around since the 1820s, and while there were female surgeons in the Union Army, they were pretty rare. Identifying who this was has been challenging; one private said she wore a medal on her dress, which is yet rarer. The fortitude she displayed seemed to shock even the base commander; no words of mockery were shared, merely surprise and perhaps a little admiration. It’s certainly something I never could have done.
Men running out on their wives at an all time high in the Five States
By Adam Parvey
Several men have been reported missing all over the Five States, though rarely by their families. No matter the state, at least one man has been reported missing. Though, in most cases, the family have refuted any claim that their men are in fact, missing. “Police came asking questions ’bout my husband, but he ain’t missing,” said one woman, “missing is like someone took him, but truth is the bastard left with a younger woman!” Such stories are mimicked by other women who’s husband has been reposted missing by their friends. Following up on several police reports, I did come across one woman who made the report herself. “I know my husband is a cheating bastard, I ain’t a fool, but he is all I got,” the woman said, “He said he was gonna break it off with her, and so I think she killed him for it.” In fact, she said that the woman was across the street from their home the night before her husband disappeared. However, police did question her and she admitted to having a relationship with the woman’s husband but had not left Saint Denis that night. Police were able to verify her alibi and cleared her of suspicion.
So what is happening with these disappearances? Is there really an epidemic of cheating men leaving their wives and families? Or is there something more sinister going on?
Strike brought to an end violently
By Frederick Vannesse
Immigrant miners have been striking in Hazleton, Pennsylvania seeking better pay and working conditions. The Lattimer mine has been brought to a standstill as a result. The local sheriff escalated the conflict this week after mine owners continued to pressure local law enforcement to end the strike. The sheriff of Luzerne County rounded up a posse and took the matter into his own hands. The posse violently attacked the striking miners, resulting in in the death of 19 of the strikers with several more injured. The United Mine Workers labor union condemned the attack and have promised the fight for workers’ rights has only just begun.
The Kaffa Kingdom has come to an end
By Ivy Seager
Gaki Sherocho was captured this week, making him the last king of the Kaffa. Menelik II, formerly King of Shewa has claimed the title of Emperor of Ethiopia for the last decade. Sherocho led one of the last remaining factions to deny Menelik II and remain independent. His defiance, however, has resulted in him and his forces being on the run. This week Menelik II and his soldiers caught up to Sherocho and his forces. Sherocho’s forces were defeated and Sherocho himself was captured, bringing an end to the ancion Kingdom of Kaffa.
The Five States Herald 