“Good riddance,” says woman of her missing husband
By Jose Chavez
Ammon Ewing, a resident of Tumbleweed, was reported missing this week by his friend. Mr. Ewing’s friend explained that he had not seen Mr. Ewing for several days and they were supposed to meet to play poker on Wednesday. Tumbleweed deputies visited Mr. Ewing’s wife Maybel, who confirmed that her husband was missing. “He is missing, I guess, and I don’t care,” said Maybel, “cheating bastard is probably with that harlot now while others are worried about him.” Mrs. Ewing had little else to say, other than that she hopes he never returns. Her reaction immediately made her a suspect according to Tumbleweed deputies. She was questioned and the home searched. No evidence was found that implicated Mrs. Ewing and in her interview, she denied having anything to do with his disappearance.

“Do I hope he is dead? Yes. Would I have liked killed him myself? Sure,” Mrs. Ewing said, “but sadly I wasn’t woman enough to do it, but I am hoping someone was.” Witnesses did report seeing Mr. Ewing drinking with a woman at the bar on Tuesday of this week. The woman he was with was not identified, but witnesses were certain she was not a local.

Flower collector reports odd sighting
By Jane Duran
A botanist collecting flowers in Ambarino reported suspicious activity to authorities. Anne Hawley said she was collecting violet snowdrops when she saw a man riding a horse with a body draped over the back of the horse. Miss Hawley said that the man had already seen her when she noticed the body. “The man smiled, and tipped his hat,” said Miss Hawley, “said not to mind his friend, said he passed out after drinking too much.” The man did not offer a name, but Miss Hawley described him as having dark hair, a broad chin, and friendly, but dark eyes.

“He told me to be careful out there, said it was a dangerous place to travel alone,” Miss Hawley said. She reported the sighting as soon as she returned to civilization. Investigators were unable to follow up, as they searched the area but found nothing. Patrols in the area did not see a man traveling with a slumped over companion, though a pair of men on a horse was spotted by one patroller. Investigators are not ruling out that Miss Hawley saw the serial killed known as The Executioner, but at this point cannot confirm it either.

Yukon Nik arrested and escapes using magic
By Odell Clifton
Strawberry residents had to flee for their life when a bounty hunter came riding a prison wagon into town with great haste. “That fella was driving recklessly, nearly killed me and a few others!” one resident exclaimed. The bounty hunter had captured Nikoli Borodin, better known as Yukon Nik. Yukon Nik was founded holed up in Fort Riggs where he held a captured marshal hostage. The bounty hunter managed to save the marshal’s life and capture Yukon Nik alive, however, Nik’s underlings gave chase. Making it into the town limits was enough to stop the chase, however, the bounty hunter was not ready for what happened next.

The bounty the hunter opened their wagon to retrieve Yukon Nik only to have multiple Yukon Niks come out. “I had never seen anything like it,” said a witness, “I figured they were brothers, twins but five of ’em, but I heard it was supposed to be just one person.” The bounty hunter yelled out in surprise when five men came out of the wagon and beat him up. The men then ran into the woods and escaped. “It was some kind of magic, but they were all real,” the bounty hunter said, “I felt the hits from each one of them so I know they weren’t imaginary!” All but one of the trails disappeared entirely, as if the one making it flew into the sky. The one trail that did not disappear outright eventually faded in Little Creek River. Yukon Nik remains at large.

Building and flying wagon appear above Valentine
By Donna Deshner
Residents and travelers alike were stunned this week in Valentine. It was not the usual bar room brawl or outlaws shooting up the town either. Folks were stunned when a flying wagon appeared in the sky. “The flying coach had no horse or bird pulling it,” said one witness, “but it was flying in the air like a bird pausing for a photograph.” Others described the object as a flying disc, having no wings or other obvious ways to stay in the air. Beneath the disc was a massive building that witnesses described as fitting in perfectly with other buildings. “The flying wagon was out of place, never seen such before,” said one witness, “but the building looked normal, only that it was floating above the town instead of being on the ground where buildings belong.”

Where the building came from is unknown. It floated above Valentine for several minutes before disappearing. The flying disc then flew away. Dr. W. Bishop, an expect in the unexplained, said he believes the craft and building came from another dimension. “Imagine if you will, another world existing side by side with ours,” Dr. Bishop said, “the flying craft is able to traverse these worlds and pull buildings from side to the other.” Dr. Bishop explained the parallel worlds as similar, but different, having taken different paths. “Here, we have Smithfield’s, a hotel, a doctor’s office,” Dr. Bishop said, “there, perhaps there is a larger building, a factory perhaps!” The explanation is highly speculative but it is all we have at the moment.

Saint Denis policeman fired for inability to aim
By Emeline Vickroy
Chaos erupted in Saint Denis this week when a bounty target managed to get free just before being turned in. The bounty hunter took a moment to smoke a cigar and in those few minutes the bounty target managed to free themselves and steal a gun from another policeman. Another policeman responded and got into a gunfight with the bounty target. It was here that the most shocking part of the story occurred. The Saint Denis policeman who responded was unable to shoot the escaped fugitive. Fortunately for the policeman the bounty target was unable to shoot accurately either. “I stood there in utter shock as the two men fired at each other, no more than 20 feet apart,” another policeman said, “fellers just kept shooting the walls.” Police of Chief Benjamin Lambert said, “the wanted man wasn’t wanted for his shooting skills, but I cannot abide a lawman that cannot shoot accurately.”

After the bounty target was re-apprehended, the policeman who could not shoot was promptly fired. While he protested his termination, Chief Lambert could not be persuaded, stating it was not to the benefit of the Saint Denis people to have a policeman who is unable to shoot.

Writer Decries Typewriter as Wasteful!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
The typewriter has made our lives far more manageable, the lives of writers anyway.  Or at least the ordinary person believes it so; some people have taken the opposite viewpoint in recent months.  Martin Clements is one such writer.

A famous writer from Tennessee, he has cranked out numerous books since the 1870s, some even national bestsellers.  When interviewed recently, he was less than kind to the typewriter.  He described it as wasteful and useless; it only makes the less talented easier to publish, while real art is crushed between the keys.  True artists, he noted, still use ink and a quilt pen, for to suffer over spelling mistakes is to create true art.

To say this statement hasn’t landed well with other writers is to be polite.  Many called this out as elitist, cruel, and backwards.  That it is reminiscent of writers who mocked the printing press centuries ago.

Clements plans to continue writing books with ink and selling them to the masses.  Perhaps he will be successful, but this attitude is a dying breed much like himself.  In a decade or so, I doubt there will be a household without a typewriter, and I don’t think the users will mind that much.

Austrian Empire mourns one year after the assassination of Empress Elizabeth
By Ivy Seager
The Empress was visiting Geneva Switzerland, traveling with only her lady in waiting. The Empress believed that traveling with just the pair of them would draw less attention. Tragedy struck when a man appeared to stumble into the Empress, but in fact, the man had meant to bump into her. The killer, anarchist Luigi Lucheni, was caught as he attempted to flee the scene of the crime. Though the Empress gave many hope when she regained consciousness after the attack, she would eventually go unconscious again and never woke back up. The Austrian Empire mourned the loss of their beloved Empress. Lucheni was tried and found guilty a month after the assassination. Lucheni was shocked to learn however that Geneva abolished capital punishment, resulting in Lucheni getting life imprisonment. Lucheni petitioned to move the trial to a different jurisdiction, seeking to be put to death as a martyr. He did not get what he wanted. The Austrian Empire is celebrating Empress Elizabeth’s life, trying to find joy in who she was and what she meant to her nation.

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