Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
United States Submarine Lost with All Hands!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Since the end of the war with Spain, some military equipment has been sold to cut costs. Some of this equipment was experimental and never technically used in the conflict. The submarine USS Blackwater was one such example.
The Navy has never technically fielded a submarine since the Civil War, but with such vehicles becoming popular in Europe, it was inevitable the US would design its own. The Blackwater was just that, named for our fair city and more than capable of operating in the Atlantic.
Unfortunately, it was never used in the war due to numerous financial issues and design flaws. Last year it was sold to a couple of rich New Yorkers who intended to map out parts of the ocean floor. This ultimately proved a terrible idea.
The USS Blackwater was reported lost this morning; it’s unclear what happened. Something likely due to its fault heavy construction resulted in complete annihilation at the body of the sea. It lies off the coast of New York, reportedly in multiple pieces. One is tempted to mock the situation, but laugh as you may; several people died who didn’t deserve it. Technological advancement in the field of submarines is expected to slow as a result of the disaster.
Failed outlaw capture blamed on horse
By Jose Chavez
A posse was hired by the Blackwater Police Department to capture a wanted man in New Austin, last seen in Pikes Basin. When the posse later returned to Blackwater, Chief Oswald Dunbar confronted them about the wanted man. “Old Oswald was plenty mad, overheard him yelling at those fellers,” said a Blackwater resident, “heard one say his horse just wouldn’t budge, just refused to cooperate until they gave up on their task.” Chief Dunbar called the excuse unbelievable and said he would never hire such fools again. The cowpoke swore that he was telling the truth and told Chief Dunbar some choice words of his own.
A horse breeder who overheard the argument said sometimes horses do lock up. He explained that in some cases, it is outside of the rider’s ability to get the horse moving. “A horse is a living being, sometimes, like all of us, it doesn’t want to cooperate,” they explained.
Woman killed by beast
By Jane Duran
A body was found on the shore of O’Creagh’s Run this week. The body was unable to be identified beyond the detail that it was a woman. The body was found ravaged so badly that it is unlikely that even their closest relatives or friends could identify them. They had been bitten and clawed at severely. A nearby rifle had been fired in the area but there was no evidence to confirm if the attacking creature was shocked.
Investigators are not certain, but they believe the death was likely the result of resource competition. “There was a nearby nest with remnants of crushed eggs and brown fur,” one of the investigators said, “we believe the unknown woman was attempting to collect the eggs when another predator had the same idea.” Investigators believe it was a bear that killed the woman. “The fur found at the nest was consistent with bear fur,” said another investigator, “as were the victim’s wounds consistent with a bear attack.” It is easy to forgot how dangerous the world is from the safety of a modern city, but int he wilderness, wild animals are still a danger.
Horse thief brought to justice
By Nick McCrary
A cowpoke rode into Blackwater with a hogtied man on the back of his horse. The man screamed that he was a victim, according to witnesses. However, the cowpoke rode straight to the Blackwater Police Station and said the man had attempted to steal his horse. “Fella said another man asked to if he could get a photograph with the horse,” said the policeman who took the report, “but jumped on the horse and fled, attempting to steal the horse.” Unfortunately for the thief, the bond between horse and rider can be deep. A quick whistle and the horse reared up and tossed the man from the saddle, who was then promptly tackled and hogtied.
As turned out, other victims of the thief had been in Blackwater and confirmed the man’s identity. The thief was released into the custody of a licensed bounty hunter for transportation to a “more secure facility.” However, it was never stated where this facility was nor could any prison confirm reciving the thief. Two days later he had been found, body ripped apart. “I suspect he was tied to horses,” said the lawman who found the body,” and then drawn and quartered, a fitting end for a horse thief.”
Lightning Strikes Five States Residences!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
As children, we often huddle in fear when a lightning storm approaches. Dark clouds and loud crackle as the sky lights up never fail to make us panic. For some, that fear never leaves, and they spend their entire life worried about a sudden storm rolling in. Others throw caution to the wind and don’t fear a little rain and a light show. Perhaps it’s better to be the former and not the latter.
Although spectacularly rare, people do get struck by lightning. It often vaporizes you or, at the very least, instantly kills. Many cowpokes laugh at these storms and don’t worry about it; some even point their guns in defiance.
This is generally a terrible idea. Lightning is attracted by metal; you can take a guess what material is used to create firearms. Just this month, a man pointed a double-action revolver at a storm cloud and fired off multiple shots. He was directly hit by lightning soon after and was pronounced dead on the spot.
Humans have an almost impressive record of ignoring danger or making light of it. Sometimes that pans out; other times, it digs our graves. So the next time a storm rolls into town, perhaps hunker down instead of defying it.
Valentine the site of explosive bombardment
By Donna Deshner
Valentine residents were shaken, literally, when a bombardment befell their town. The day had only just started, with ranchers already at work at drunkards being tossed out of the saloon when the bombs started to fall. “There was no warning, just a loud explosion south of the town,” said one resident. After the explosion there was a moment of quiet before more bombs fell. “It was a chaotic moment,” said Sheriff Curtis Malloy, “my boys ain’t equipped for this so we took cover, same as everyone else.” For several moments the bobing contiued. “Most folks have no experience with these situations,” said a resident who was a resident of the Civil War, “but I wasn’t scared, I’ve experienced bombings before and if the Confederates couldn’t kill me well then, ain’t no outlaws gonna do it!” When the bombardment ended the Valentine Sheriffs went to work investigating. Though a few cannons were found northeast of the town there was no evidence found that could lead authorities to the attackers. The cannons appeared to be of Confederate make, likely Civil War surplus obtained by outlaws with nothing else to do.
Repairs of damaged buildings are underway.
Cowpoke opens door to nowhere
By Emeline Vickroy
A cowpoke told a shocking story while drowning themselves in alcohol at the Bastille Saloon. According to the wild tale the man told, they opened a door to walk inside of their home only to find the unexpected. Instead of the inside of the building they saw an endless sky. “I was instantly afraid I was going to fall through the world,” the cowpoke said, “I didn’t step through it, I didn’t want to know where it went.” The cowpoke chose to flee to Saint Denis and headed straight to the Bastille Saloon. “Getting drunk is the only way to cope with that madness,” they said, “but no matter how drunk I get I can’t forget what I saw!” Saint Denis Policemen opted not to investigate, saying the story lacked credibility.
General stores bemoan canning technology
By Adam Parvey
It was not that long ago that food, once harvested or hunted, was on a timer. Eventually, food would go back. Throughout history society has found ways to preserve food as long as possible, with salt being quite popular over the last couple of hundreds of years. Recently, canning technology has pushed the boundary of food preservation. However, general store clerks have been complaining about the long term effects of canned goods. “Used to be a feller bought corn, he’d be back after he ate it or the corn went bad,” one store clerk said, “but now, it don’t really go bad so they ain’t replacing it as often.” General stores across the Five States have reported selling less and less canned goods, but also less fresh fruits and vegetables. “I’ve been throwing out lots of food ’cause it’s gone bad before it is bought,” said another store clerk, “and that’s money lost, I’m gonna have to raise prices soon!”
Local farmers have joined in the complaints. As general stores sell less fresh produce, it is local farmers who lose customers. “I only sold half my expected produce this season,” said one farmer, “damn store didn’t want to buy as much, said everyone wants canned produce.” Canned goods are shipped in from across the nation, meaning farms outside of the Five States get the money instead of the local farms in the Five States. Local farmers and merchants warn that the Five States economy may collapse if locals can no longer make money from plying their trade.
A small crowd has gathered for imminent arrival of Joshua Slocum
By Frederick Vannesse
You may read the headlines and wonder, ‘who is Joshua Slocum?’ Nobody would blame you. Mr. Slocum has yet to become a household name but if he is successful in his current endeavor, he may be. In 1895, Mr. Slocum set sail on The Spray from Boston, Massachusetts. His progress has been documented as he passed close enough to various ports and he is expected to arrive in Rhode Island this coming week. If successful, Mr. Slocum’s trip will be the first time anyone has circumvented the globe all alone. Mr. Slocum has been involved in boat navigation since he was a young man and though his trip shows great skill and perseverance, few who know Mr. Slocum are surprised that he took on such a task.
Confusion in the Philippines
By Ivy Seager
The Spanish-American War is long over, but still feels fresh in the minds of many. The Philippines, once lorded over by the British, are claimed to be free but the U.S. currently runs the nation’s affairs. The U.S. forces still on the island nation are meant to provide security for the Philippines until they can provide it for themselves. However, the Spanish have fled the region and so it is questionable over who the Filipino people need protection from. Emilio Aguinaldo, who fought against the Spanish and allied with the United States has spoken out against further colonization of his nation. U.S. forces still on the nation have faced tensions from the locals. It is unclear to those on the ground what the mission is and some think it is only a matter of time before U.S. forces go from allies to enemies.
The Five States Herald 