Man found in the desert nearly dehydrated
By Jose Chavez
A woman traveling through New Austin noticed several vultures circling overhead. She rode off the trail and into the desert and found a man lying on the ground covered in dust. “I thought he was dead for sure, but then I saw it,” the woman said, “his chest moving up and down ever so slightly.” She gave him some water and he responded with a cough and raspy words that could not be made out. She helped the man onto her horse and then rode to the MacFarlane Ranch, the closest settlement to where she found the man. The man slept for two days while water was slowly poured into his mouth. On the third day he woke up but still had a voice to raspy to be understood.

On the fourth day, he spoke clearly. He explained he was trying to complete a challenge to run for 5200 feet. He explained that he chose the desert because it was flat with no hills that would tire him out faster. He admitted that he did not count on the heat being such a problem. By day five he was able to walk on his own. Ranch hands provided him with a ride to Blackwater on their next trip to the town for supplies.

Executioner suspect moved to undisclosed location
By Jane Duran
Emmaline W. Haven, currently under arrest under the accusation of being the Executioner, has been moved to a new location. That location is not being released publicly and has been kept secret event among bureau agents. The reason for the secrecy is that lead investigator, Special Agent Rice Philips is concerned that Miss Haven may have inspired a following. “This… murderer… has managed to frame her crimes as a noble cause,” said Agent Philips, “but let me be clear, infidelity is not a justification for murder!” Agent Philips is worried that others may agree that Miss Haven’s cause is noble and seek to break her out of jail. Beyond this information, Agent Philips is not saying anything. A gag order has been sent to all agents working on this case.

However, a source in the bureau confirmed that Miss Haven has remained silent. Moreover, an attorney was provided for her but she said nothing at all to the attorney. Evidence is still being gathered for the case and my source says the case is looking pretty strong.

Blackwater shop under short quarantine
By Odell Clifton
A cowpoke fell over coughing up blood and “black stuff” this week in Blackwater. Several policemen checked on the cowpoke but avoided getting too close. The town doctor, who had only just set up shop in Blackwater recently, check on the man. He examined him and initially believed it was a case of consumption. “This fellers lungs are done, diseased from consumption,” the doctor said. The general store, where the cowpoke had been previously, was quarantined as a result. “We wanted to make sure Blackwater doesn’t become the next Armadillo, you see,” said a Blackwater policeman.

However, the doctor reexamined the cowpoke an hour later and determined he was fine. He had just smoked way too much that day. “I gave him an interview and saw that his symptoms seemed to have disappeared,” the doctor said, “and tuberculosis symptoms don’t just disappear, so he probably just agitated his lungs and throat with the three packs of cigarettes he smoked that morning.” The townsfolk were relieved to learn the city is not contaminated. They celebrated the good news with a discount on cigarettes at the general store.

New Hanover state police move into Valentine, quickly pushed out
By Emery Cosberry
When the most dangerous town in the Five States is in your state, you might be a bit ashamed to be the Governor. Such is the case in New Hanover. The state’s governor decided it was time to bring Valentine to heel and stationed half a dozen state lawmen in the town. The local sheriff and his deputies were not terribly happy with the state lawmen in their town. Townsfolks reported the first few days being quite tense, with local lawmen largely ignoring the state police and refusing to even offer any assistance or information. The state police for there part did not do anything to ease the tensions, as they threw their weight around every moment they could. Every violation of state law committed in their presence led to an arrest. Of course, the local sheriff refused to house these arrestees, forcing state police to hold their prisoners in a hotel room that was made into a makeshift holding facility.

The tension exploded by midweek, when outlaws decided to raid the town hotel to free the outlaws held in the makeshift jail. The attack occurred at night, while only one of the six state policemen were awake. A gunfight quickly broke out, waking up much of the town. Deputies responded but did not enter the hotel and instead worked to keep townsfolk away from the scene. When the shooting stopped, the outlaws walked out with guns aimed at anyone looking to stop them. After they fled the hotel was investigated with all of the state policemen found dead. Local deputies say that they responded to the gunfight but did not see anyone leave, only finding the dead bodies. Officially, they claim the outlaws must have slipped out a backway. More state police are expected to show up in Valentine this week.

Is it really the good whiskey?
By Aloysius Levron
Elijah Howard, owner and operator of the Bastille Saloon in Saint Denis is under fire. Not literal fire, but he is facing several complaints over the whiskey that he serves. In most places in the Five States, you can buy a glass of whiskey for 50¢. But at the Bastille, that glass of whisky goes for $1. Most patrons of the Bastille do not mind the higher price. Indeed, most of the Bastille’s regulars likely do not visit other saloons and $1 is hardly much money at all for them. But many travelers do visit the Bastille and are shocked by the whiskey being double the price they usually pay. Mr. Howard says the price is justified because it is “good” whiskey. Mr. Howard explains that his whiskey is of a much higher quality. “Really, $1 is a steal,” Mr. Howard said, “I ought to charge more!”

Cowpokes who get around the Five States however do not see the difference. “I’ve drank whiskey everywhere, Valentine, Blackwater, underground basements,” said one cowpoke, “and that Bastille whisky don’t taste any different.” In fact, one cowpoke proved their point. While sitting the Bastille Saloon bar, a woman switched a drink from the Bastille whisky to whisky from Doyle’s Saloon, the other Saint Denis saloon. The patron who took the switched whisky, who was a regular and a member of high society, drank the whiskey and promptly asked for another. The cowpoke laughed immediately and announced what she had done. Mr. Howard quickly apologized to his customer and kicked out the cowpoke for her prank. Several regulars starting complaining, wondering if Mr. Howard has been deceiving them. After offering free whiskey the rest of the night, Mr. Howard managed to calm his patrons down.

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