Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Shootout at Saint-Denis Police Department!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax (Lead Correspondent)
Dear readers, I still breathe the warm air of Lemoyne. I still feel the intense heat and humidity the region is known for. Yesterday, I almost didn’t breathe the air or feel the sun’s heat, for I nearly died.
I was getting coffee late in the night, when all of a sudden, it felt like an earthquake was shaking the building. I later found out, that it was dynamite going off at a nearby building. This event caused multiple officers to leave and investigate. In this short timeframe, multiple men rushed into the department. Some carried shotguns, some had pistols, and one was even holding the rare Danish handheld multi-fire gun.
The entire department was torn asunder; damn near every single plate or pot was smashed by the hail of gunfire. I nearly choked from the amount of smoke emitted by the firearms. Incendiary devices were tossed, and more dynamite was tossed. What appears to have been a military-issued grenade was thrown at one point.
How did I survive? Well, when you are bleeding from an injury and on the ground near a bunch of corpses, you hide under them. Last I heard, at least nine officers were killed, and many more were wounded; none of the gunmen were caught.
Doubtless, I don’t need to name who was behind this. Saint-Denis police clearly will take this as a severe warning, that the criminals across the pond are a different breed. Where I will be, I do not know, except amongst the living.
Goods destroyed in attack
By Jose Chavez
A posse of outlaws attacked and destroyed a collection of goods in New Austin. The goods arrived by train but the wagons that the trader arranged to pick up the goods were late. As most of the guards were with the wagons, the goods and supplies were left with few defenders. After the train left and was long out of sight, the outlaws attacked. The defenders had to fall back as they took fire from multiple directions. “I was unable to see a single attacker,” said one of the guards, “but I saw a few gunshot flashes and they had us surrounded.” Then the explosions started. “They hurled dynamite at our supplies, destroying everything we were supposed to protect,” the guard said. Soon after the explosions the gunfire stopped and the attackers seemed to withdraw.
By the time the wagon arrived, the goods and supplies were completely destroyed. What was not destroyed in the explosion was lost for the fire that spread after. The defenders escaped with their lives and only a few scrapes and bruises from taking cover.
Woman arrested while dumping a body! Likely the Executioner!
By Jane Duran
Special Agent Rice Philips is rejoicing this week. For months, Agent Philips has led the search for the Executioner, a serial murderer who seems to target men accused of infidelity. Agent Philips himself had even been abducted, presumably by the Executioner, during the course of the investigation. The arrest of Emmaline W. Haven as she dumped a body into the Dakota River. Miss Haven did not resist arrest and cooperated with officers as they cuffed her. They body floated down river and was retrieved by two agents as Miss Haven was taken into custody. The body has yet to be identified, but the death was determined to be from a single gunshot delivered to the back of the man’s head, consistent with previous Executioner murders.
Miss Haven remained silent during her arrest, offering no explanation for what she was doing. Agent Philips has not commented on the arrest yet, though a source said internally, Philips confirmed that Miss Haven’s voice is the same as the voice of the woman that held him captive. It seems this killer’s reign is over.
Cowpoke chased out of Blackwater for gravedigging
By Odell Clifton
A man called G.A. Billiam was confronted by Blackwater Police this week for gravedigging. Blackwater Police were notified of the gravedigger by a resident who had been visiting the grave of a loved one. Two policemen quickly traveled to the graveyard and caught Mr. Billiam in the act. Mr. Billiam is known in the area and did not respond to the police aggressively. A witness said the two policemen and Mr. Billiam spoke for several minutes. “I was too far away to hear what they were saying, but they seemed at ease,” the witness said, “then I heard the feller whistle, he jumped on his horse and fled.”
The policemen were caught off guard and were unable to follow Mr. Billiam. “By the time a mounted officer arrived, Mr. Billiam was gone,” a policeman said, “his trail was lost, but we suspect we’ll see him again.” The grave that was robbed was kept out of official reports, but we were told the family was notified.
Bounty target escapes right in front of Valentine sheriff’s station
By Donna Deshner
A bounty hunter is licking their wounds, metaphorically speaking, after a rather embarrassing mishap. The bounty hunter, who shall remain nameless to protect their identity and livlihood, rode into Valentine with all of the confidence one would expect of a bounty hunter. However, as they dismounted their horse and walked toward the sheriff station, they tripped over the horse tie off posts. “Folks have no manners and don’t tie their horse off properly,” said one deputy, “so serves him right, ‘cuz if he had tied his horse off he wouldn’t have tripped, right?” The bounty hunter took a pretty hard fall, knocking out their wind along with their pride. At this time, their bounty rolled off the horse and took off running while pulling the rope around their arms loose.
Nobody chased the fleeing bounty. “It ain’t my hob to catch ’em, it’s the hunter’s job and I just jail ’em,” said a deputy, “as they were never brought in for jailing, they were never my responsibility.” The bounty hunter eventually got back up and shrugged off the lost bounty. They grabbed another wanted poster and rode off ready to grab another outlaw. Hopefully, this time they are careful where they walk.
Old family feud becoming more than trivial
By Mathilde Orry
The Grays and the Braithwaites are at it again after a massive fire destroyed half of the Gray’s crops. Guards that work for the Grays could not confirm that any Braithwaite was on Gray property, with only one guard seeing anything at all. “First thing I saw was the smoke and then the flames, so I ran out,” said the sole witness who saw anyone, “then another fire popped up out of nowhere and I looked and saw a fella jump on a horse and ride away.” The person was little more than a shadow, as described by the guard, with the flames roaring behind him there was little detail to see, let alone describe to authorities. Still, the Gray family believes it is obvious that the Braithwaites were involved. “The attack damaged our crops, reducing out capacity to eat as well as make money,” said Tavish Gray, “they seek to ruin us, their only competition in the state, but the Grays do not fall so easily.” It took several hours for farmhands and guards to get the fire under control, which involved letting much of the crops burn down. Local Sheriff of Rhodes, Leigh Gray, said, “I have opened an official investigation into the Braithwaite’s actions and will collect evidence and statements in accordance of the law of the State of Lemoyne and the law of the town of Rhodes.” The Braithwaites did not reply to my request for a comment.
Bird watchers furious over increased hunting of avians
By Adam Parvey
This week has been described as a nightmare by a group of naturalists focused on the study and protection of birds. Where bird watchers choose to schedule events around spotting and watching particular birds, recently hunts have been formed around particular birds. “First it was condors, then geese,” said a naturalist, “eventually they started hunting loons, loons!” The bird watchers grew furious and petitioned local and state governments alike. However, they got no support from any government institution. “We were told that birds are not protected and that there were no current plant to protect them,” another naturalist said, “well, then make plans and protect them already!” The hunts for these birds are only loosely organized. Instead of gathering together for these hunts, some unknown entity is offering gold nuggets in exchange for feathers of particular birds.
As the unknown entity is offering gold nuggets, a currency that is in demand for many in the Five States, the offers have had a profound effect. All across the Five States naturalists claim bodies of birds are piling up. Indeed, the bayou of Lemoyne was reported recently as full of dead birds, many of which had no gold nugget bounty and were likely killed in a case of mistaken identity. Naturalists are not giving up their fight and have petitioned the federal government. In a surprising twist, Senator Thaddeus Waxman has voiced his support for conserving the various species of birds. Though, those close to Senator Waxman say it should not be a surprise at all, as an avid hunter he has a great admiration for the natural world and wish to preserve it for future generations. Will Congress act before all birds are extinct?
The Five States Herald 