Abandoned dog finds new home
By Jose Chavez
A resident of Tumbleweed said he found his best friend this week. While traveling through the desert state he saw something laying in the hot sun barely moving. “I got close and saw it was a dog, poor fella looked up at me with innocent eyes,” the man said, “he had a collar and was well fed, probably abandoned for a new dog!” The man scooped the dog up and carefully rode back home to Tumbleweed where he let the dog get some rest as well as some much needed food and water. Two days later the abandoned dog forgot about his previous life, embracing life in Tumbleweed. All of the residents of the town have come to enjoy the dog’s company, except the butcher, who has already grown tired of the dog’s begging for meat. Of course, the butcher still gives the dog meat so he must not be too annoyed.

Ambarino Rangers comb Ambarino for evidence of The Executioner
By Jane Duran
Following the return of Special Agent Rice Philips, agents were hopeful that evidence would be found that could identify the killer. So far, no evidence has been found. An anonymous source confirmed that Agent Philips’ ordeal only confirmed that the Executioner is a woman. The cabin that Agent Philips was abducted from was searched thoroughly but nothing was found to identify the Executioner. Ambarino State Rangers have joined the search now, having agents working double shifts as they walk through the state looking for suspicious behavior. No new bodies have been found. Several women have reported being harassed by agents but none have been arrested. My anonymous source said that the agency is committed to finding the killer while not trampling on the rights of innocent people.

Blackwater considers ban on masks after uneasy day
By Odell Clifton
This week several travelers showed up in Blackwater wearing masks. While they did not do anything illegal, several masked people walking around the town was enough to make townsfolk nervous. General store owner Sam Neely refused service to several people in masks, even threatening them. “Ain’t no reason for a man to wear a mask but to hide their identity,” Mr. Neely said, “ain’t no reason to hide your identity unless you’re up to no good.” While store owners were within their right to refuse service, local police could not do anything as no laws were broken. Several residents are now asking Blackwater authorities to ban masks in the city limits. A Blackwater council member has said such a law may infringe on people’s rights and so should not be taken lightly. “Instead of infringing rights,” Council member Otho Mull said, “perhaps we should do nothing, let the businesses becoming inaccessible to mask wearers detour mask wearing.”

Farmer claims cowpokes arrested in gunfight owe him money
By Donna Deshner
A sheep farmer lost three sheep during a gunfight. Several cowpokes fought around the sheep pens, using the wooden fences as cover. Valentine deputies responded by first getting people in the area to safety. However, as they attempted to stop the shooting, the gunfight turned against them. “Several deputies were shot at, one was hit,” said Sheriff Curtis Malloy, “so, as nobody was in danger, we opted to let the gunfighters shoot themselves for awhile, hoping they’d settle it themselves.” When the gunfight remained unsettled after several minutes the deputies made their move. They snuck in and ambushed the gunfighters while they were entirely focused on each other.

After they were arrested a local sheep farmer was able to take inventory of his livestock. He found three sheep dead and headed to the sheriff station and demanded payment for the sheep. However, he was denied. “I ain’t no judge and this ain’t a courtroom, it’s a sheriff station,” said Sheriff Curtis Malloy, “we’ll hold them and process them for disturbing the peace but that farmer needs to take up his claims in court.” While the farmer was disappointed, he said he would hire a lawyer promptly to go after the gunfighters assets. Neither of the gunfighters admitted to shooting the sheep but both of their weapons were confiscated and may be used as evidence should the farmer indeed seek legal recourse.

Multiple Saint Denis residents found dead in the bayou, no foul play suspected
By Aloysius Levron
A fisherman was in for a surprise when he suddenly found heavy resistance on his fishing line. “I thought I had a big ole catfish,” the fisherman said, “or maybe hooked a dead gator but this was something else!” He pulled and pulled and found himself dragging a chewed up corpse. Lemoyne State Police arrived to investigate and quickly determined the deceased was a victim of an alligator attack. An hour into the investigation another body was found, which was also chewed up by an alligator. The state policemen expanded the search and found additional bodies, all alligator food. One of the bodies was able to be identified as a Saint Denis resident who had told his friends that he intended to hunt an alligator to claim a gold bounty on the pelt. Curiously, several other Saint Denis residents were reported as missing. They similarly had told friends or family that they were going to hunt alligator.

“It became clear pretty quickly that these city folks saw an opportunity to make some gold,” said one of the policemen investigating, “only, they didn’t realize that alligators are dangerous and not so easily hunted.” There are currently more missing persons than there are bodies. All but one are unidentifiable are so it is unclear which of the missing persons is dead and which are still missing. This leaves loved ones of the missing persons in a desperate situation where they do not know if their loved ones are missing or dead. Saint Denis Police have informed residents with a missing loved one to come to the Police Station in an attempt to identify any of the bodies. So far, those who have tried to identify a loved one among the carnage have had to exit while throwing up. “It is not a pleasant experience I admit,” said a policeman, “but it’s necessary if you want closure.”

Previous Issue

Next Issue