New Austin government accuses Mexico of funding gang operations
By Jose Chavez
The Del Lobo gang has recently seen a resurgance. Though federal and state authorities have committed to combatting the New Austin gang, membership has risen drastically over the last few years. In addition, the gang appears to have a large number of resources. “Del Lobo seems to have a never ending supply of new outlaws,” said a New Austin Ranger, “additionally, they all seem to have new, well modified firearms as well.” Authorities are not sure where the Del Lobo gang obtained these new guns, as shortly before their resurgence they seemed to be on their last leg.

“The Del Lobo were nearly finished,” one New Austin Ranger proclaimed, “they didn’t have the manpower to steal the money to buy this stuff, so where did it come from?” Authorities are accusing the government of Mexico for supplying both guns and men to the Del Lobo. The Mexican government has denied the allegations, demanding to see the evidence that supports the accusation. The New Austin Rangers say that a destabilized New Austin benefits Mexico, which is the motive for funding the Del Lobo. The New Austin Rangers are working with the federal government into opening an investigation into the matter.

Bounty falls from the sky!
By Jane Duran
A bounty hunter returned with a dead bounty and a story to tell. The local Valentine deputies whom she turned in the bounty, said the bounty hunter looked spooked. “She looked like she seen a ghost, you see,” said one of the deputies, “so I asked about what happened.” The bounty hunter then said she accepted a bounty that took her to the dreaded Mt. Hagen. She carefully made her way up the mountain when the bounty and their horse fell from the sky. “Weren’t no tree or such, she says,” the deputy explained, “so there was nowhere above for them to fall from.” Many dismissed the story as a lie, while others said they believed it as the bounty hunter is known to be an upstanding citizens.

The story could not be verified. However, the Valentine doctor did say the bounty target suffered from several broken bones that indicate massive force. “It seemed like someone who may have hit a tree at high speed,” the doctor said, “though, a far enough drop could also have caused these injuries, even on snow if the distance was great enough.”

Blackwater resident taken to asylum
By Odell Clifton
A Blackwater resident was taken against their will this week when they told a bizarre story. They said that through a series of actions, including examining their appearance in a mirror, they entered a Five States devoid of others. “It was quite freeing, I was able to travel about free of being harassed,” the resident said. They explained they did all of their chores in this empty world and never had to look twice at passersby. Unfortunately, an alienist overheard the entire thing. Erna Lepp is an alienist, one who specializes in ailments of the mind, who is traveling through the Five States on vacation.

“I could not help but hear the story and immediately knew it was a psychotic episode,” Lepp said, “and though they thought they were alone, they were still in our world and could have hurt someone unintentionally.” She explained that if the resident thought they were alone, they could ride their horse over pedestrians, as they would not see them. As a legally licensed alienist, Lepp was able to have the resident committed to an asylum. “Their psychosis will be observed, diagnosed and treated,” Lepp said, “and they will be all the better for it.”

Trees spring up in Valentine!
By Donna Deshner
Valentine residents were shocked this week when trees popped up out of nowhere. And I am not talking about small saplings, either. Full grown trees many years old seemed to suddenly appear in Valentine in an instant. While there are trees in the surrounding area, the town itself has long been cleared of them. Even the trees in the surrounding area seemed to be thicker. Deputies in the area could not explain what happened but treated the event as dangerous. “The reality is, nature could really destroy this town if trees just kept popping up,” one deputy said, “imagine entire town destroyed, people dead, their work gone, progress denied.”

Several townsfolk gathered their axes and planned to cut the trees down. However, before the first axe could be swung, the trees disappeared. Though no explanation could be found, several witnesses reported a ‘witch’ in just north of the town. “I saw her, a watch I tell you, surrounded by trees, watching us all with a suspicious eye,” the witness said. Deputies searched for the woman but could not find her. The appearing and disappearing trees of Valentine will remain a mystery, for now.

Moonshiner arrested after poisoning themselves
By Aloysius Levron
A cowpoke rode into Lemoyne barely able to stay on their horse. They arrived at the city doctor and nearly collapsed. The cowpoke was described as inebriated and as such, treated as a drunk with alcohol intoxication. “It soon became evident there was more to it,” the doctor said, “the drunk, not really realizing what they were saying I think, said he drank his own ‘hootch.'” The drunk seemed to have a moment of clarity and explained to the doctor that his ‘hootch’ was not safe and should not have been drunk. The doctor induced vomiting in the cowpoke, pumped their stomach, and then had them rest and drink plenty of water.

The cowpoke survived the night, feeling less drunk but no better the next day. The doctor said the symptoms were consistent with the ingestion of oleander sage. “They likely would have died without medical intervention,” the doctor said. Because the man admitted to drinking his own homemade alcohol, the doctor notified the local police who then notified the Bureau of Internal Revenue, who promptly arrested the cowpoke after their recovery.

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