Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Alcohol consumption on the rise, surprising major producers
By Adam Parvey
Major producers and distributors of alcohol were stunned to learn that alcohol consumption has doubled this month. The report of increase alcohol consumption did not correlate with the month’s alcohol distribution. “We cannot quite understand these reports that alcohol consumption doubled this month,” a spokesman for Old Blood Eyes said, “we have not increased our shipments, so we must assume that it is illegal alcohol that is filling the gaps.” The major alcohol manufacturers have filed petitions with the Bureau of Internal Revenue to investigate the situation.
Local bars and saloons have refused to discuss it. “I know I order it and it gets here,” one saloon worker said on record, “other than that, I cannot say.” Every saloon I visited for this alcohol did seem to be quite busy, with libations flowing and even spilling all over the place. Revenue agents investigated several saloons but they were unable to confirm illegal alcohol being sold. “The bottles that we found were all properly stamped, indicating taxes were paid on them,” one agent said, “though some seemed to be new flavors, they were all taxed and legal.”
Revenue agents have said the snowy weather impacts all distributors, particularly national ones. “It is very possible they are seeking local brewers,” one agent said, “and this would be okay, if local brewers would just pay their taxes!”
Mistaken identity leads to national embarrassment for Mexico
By Jose Chavez
A bounty hunter brought in a pair of outlaws this week, but one turned out to be a soldier in the Mexican Army. The soldier, whose name has been kept from the press, identified himself after being delivered to Tumbleweed. The bounty hunter said the men he brought in matched the faces on the bounty poster. “I admit, he did look like him, but after a shave we noticed the man was missing a scar on his cheek,” a deputy said, “we notified the national authorities, not to cooperate exactly but to free ourselves from this problem.” Federal authorities took possession of the prisoner but has not commented on it.
The federal government has not even confirmed picking the prisoner up. “They may not want to talk about it, but they definitely picked him up,” said Sheriff Sam Freeman. What complicates the issue is that the alleged Mexican soldier was captured with Del Lobo gang members. For quite awhile there have been suspicions regarding the Mexican government providing resources, including weapons, to the Del Lobo gang. A Mexican soldier being caught with the Del Lobo strengthens the theory. The Mexican government refused to comment.
Avalanche kills at least a dozen men, including several Ambarino Rangers
By Jane Duran
Ambarino Rangers and a few armed men stormed Mt Hagen this week in pursuit of a wanted man. The man in question is Henry Clay. Clay is an outlaw known across the world, at least by name. Few people have actually seen Clay and he is largely tracked through known associates. The Ambarino Rangers received a credible report of two of Clay’s known associates traveling together, along with a few others. With the possibility of Clay being in the group, the Ambarino Rangers could not wait for federal backup.
The Rangers enlisted the help of several bounty hunters and other gunslingers. The group, estimated to have been over two dozen armed men, scaled Mt Hagen in pursuit of Clay. As they neared, however, an explosion was heard. “I saw smoke coming down at us, and knew it was dynamite,” one survivor said, “I fled down and north, away from the explosion.” The heavy snowfall from the recent storm rolled down the mountain taking the attackers with it. 12 were already found dead, five survived, and a search continues for the unaccounted for men. The outlaws at the top of Mt. Hagen were not there when the search party investigated. Henry Clay seems to have escaped once again.
A man arrived in Strawberry barely alive
By Odell Clifton
The doctor in Strawberry, who catches more fish more frequently than he saves lives, happened to save a man this week. A horse slowly trotted into Strawberry with a man hunched over and unconscious. The man had been physically beaten. He had several bruises and cuts and a broken rib. The doctor tended to his wounds and did his best to keep him hydrated as he slept for two days straight. On the third day, he woke up. “He told us he was assaulted by a group of cowpokes,” a deputy said, “apparently they meant to kill him, saying Klansmen must die.”
The cowpoke was wearing grey pants, a white shirt, and a grey jacket. He did explain that just before the attack he had fallen down the mountain and was completely covered in snow. “It probably did look like I was dressed in all white, but I wasn’t,” the man explained, “but they wouldn’t listen and just kept hitting me.” Deputies think the attackers likely realized their error at some point and just left the man in a beaten state. The man said he does not quite remember mounting his horse, but is glad to be alive.
Roof fight in Valentine
By Emery Cosberry
Mayhem in Valentine when a murderer strikes. Deputies say a masked man killed a Valentine resident and then fled to the rooftops. Another cowpoke was already on the rooftops, however. “We aren’t sure if they were working together, but we know they didn’t end it together,” a deputy said. The man who fled to the roof pushed the other man off. The rooftop killer jumped off the roof onto a horse and fled Valentine. Deputies gave up the chase after they lost him after he fled up the Dakota River. The man who was thrown off of the roof survived, but just barely He had multiple broken bones.
The Valentine doctor tended to the man. The man claimed to have been on the roof enjoying the view and that he has not involved in any murders. With no witnesses confirming that he fired a gun at anyone, deputies decided to not arrest him. The doctor says he has a long road to recovery. “He had quite a few broken bones, including a leg,” the doctor said, “walking, breathing, hell, existing is gonna be hard for him.” Nobody was able to identify the escaped shooter.
WANTED!
Investigators: Travel the Five States and report on what is going on.
Writers: Write the stories investigators find!
Photographers:
To take photographs to be used in the Herald.
Can also do all three!
Man arrested for killing Santa Claus
By Aloysius Levron
Vernon Duffy, a wealthy resident of Saint Denis, was arrested following the murder of a man dressed as Santa Claus. The unidentified man was dressed as Santa Claus and collecting donations for the poor. Mr. Duffy purchased a crayfish farm in the bayou earlier this year. Though Mr. Duffy had promised to keep things running as they always have, he fired half of the staff immediately. Many of those fired lived on the land and were forced to relocate. Those that remained said working conditions and decreased. Mr. Duffy required more frequent harvesting that workers said was not necessary. “We were harvesting so much, the cages were often empty or just had a few crawdads in ’em,” one worker said, “more risk to the ‘gators but not much of an increase in crawdads.” Mr. Duffy also decreased the amount of crayfish the farmers could keep and increased how many went to market. Last month, Mr. Duffy brought in out of state workers and fired the remaining local staff.
Early this month it was reported that the land was obtained by Mr. Duffy through less than ethical means. Mr. Duffy and presented falsified papers to the local land owners indicating the government’s intent to purchase the land through imminent domain. Mr. Duffy used this to offer a higher price than the government was alleged to offer. The government’s offer was, however, not real. Mr. Duffy promised to fight the allegations and a long legal battle was expected. Witnesses say that Mr. Duffy saw the Santa Claus ringing a bell and walked up and started yelling at him.
“He asked the Santa Claus if he was coming for him, if he would sneak into his house in the dead of night,” a witness said, “then said he wasn’t going to just do nothin’ and then pulled out a gun and shot that poor Santa!” Mr. Duffy was arrested immediately. The unidentified man who was collecting donations dressed as Santa Claus was dead at the scene. Mr. Duffy’s holdings are expected to be auctioned off by the government.
Ghosts of the Past Haunt Maryland Family!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax – Lead Correspondent
The Tilghman Family reigns heavy over the history of Maryland. Established in the 1660s by a prominent English surgeon, the family slowly built up its land and power. By the revolution, they held positions such as judges, state officials, military officers, and one member approved the Declaration of Independence. Years onward, they would hold Supreme Court seats, and had officials on both sides of the Civil War. They still exist to this day, their wealth and power also remains, but so too does the ghosts of the past.
Recently, documents were discovered claiming that a notable pirate of the 1720s had been held by the Tilghmans as an indentured servant. Said pirate had fled their lands, leading to a short career on the high seas. The Tilghman Family denies such claims, noting that the individual, a woman named Mary, was not the notable pirate Mary Read. Many historians are unconvinced by the denials.
Rumors now spread that the family had treated indentured servants the same as slaves, and further noted that they used their wealth and influence to crush legal discourse. Whether that’s true or not is yet to be seen, but it is possible such rumors could damage congressional elections in the near and far future. The past never stays buried, no matter how much you walk over it.
The Five States Herald 