Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Clouds, Entertainment for All
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax – Lead Correspondent
I met a traveler once who had a fascination with clouds. I never knew his name; it’s been so many years that he might no longer draw breath. He would just endlessly watch as the clouds came and went like the tide. The sun would rise, the moon would fall, and vice versa, yet he remained still. On a good day he might even paint them, to immortalize them, to remember them.
I never felt the same; I always thought they merely blocked the sun and rained on me when I least wanted it. Those who were amused by clouds were always the little ones, who just liked to stare and observe the world around them. To imagine clouds as creatures from stories or people they once knew.
The traveler never said why he liked to gaze up at the heavens; it was not a childish desire to pass time; it was perhaps something more to him. A chance to witness the world for what it is, to be humbled by how small we truly are in a world so vast. Or maybe he was just a child at heart, I cannot act like I understand the human mind. It is just one of those things you never forget; perhaps I really don’t know clouds at all.
Man attacks drunks at the Armadillo Saloon
By Jose Chavez
The most unlucky of towns, Armadillo has been plagued with some misfortune for as long as anyone can remember. Yet, there are a few who still call the dying town home. This week a cowpoke walked into the saloon and brought a new kind of misfortune. “That cowpoke was quite the asshole, if I am being honest,” said the bartender, “they’d walk up to someone and start pushing them and insulting them.” The bartender explained that eventually the harassed patron would turn red and attack. “I could see their frustration, the red in their face,” the bartender said, “then they’d pounce, helplessly, folks around here are either too weak or too drunk to defend themselves.”
Each person the cowpoke attacked went down quickly. Deputies were informed, however the cowpoke left the town after knocking out a fifth person. “After knocking out the last guy, they just shrugged and said they did what they needed and left,” the bartender said. The attacker was not identified.
Avalanche leaves hiking party missing, presumed dead
By Jane Duran
A sudden avalanche has likely claimed the lives of at least three people. The three believed to be buried in the avalanche were spotted by a hunter hiking up Mount Hagen. “I saw them and spoke with them a bit,” the hunter said, “warned them of a pack of wolves I spotted not far from where they were hiking.” It was about 20 minutes after they left the hunter’s company that the mountain came down. “I heard the rumbling and looked up and saw the mountain tumbling,” the hunter said, “I jumped on my horse and rode away as fast as I could.” The hunter lost most of their supplies and their hunt, but survived along with their horse.
They rode down to Strawberry to report what happened. A search party went out looking for the three hikers but could not find them or any trace of them. The search will continue, though it is likely that they are already dead.
Assault in Blackwater nearly leads to drowning
By Odell Clifton
A Blackwater resident found themselves going for a swim in Flat Iron Lake this week. Witnesses say that the man was pushed off of the Blackwater Dock. “I am not sure why someone would do that,” said a witness, “but I saw the man walk by and then turn around and shove the poor fellow into the water.” Blackwater Police were notified and responded. When they reached the dock the victim had climbed out of the water and was wrenching out his jacket. Police took his statement but the man said he was not pushed, just that he fell. He disputed other witness statements.
Another witness said it was in fact the victim who started the altercation. “That fancy man well… he mumbled something to a feller who just arrived,” the witness said, “had a big attitude and was then thrown off, likely he is a bit too scared to tell the police the truth.” The victim also refused to comment for this story.
Bounty hunting campaign leads to a saver New Hanover, for now
By Emery Cosberry
Home of the most violent town in the Five States, New Hanover is a beautiful state but often a dangerous one. In addition to the wild animals that roam the wilderness, outlaws frequent the area. New Hanover State Police offered bonuses to bounty hunters who brought in targets from the state. “Bounty hunting is a necessary and just part of our system,” said a spokesman for the Now Hanover States Police, “using bounty hunters to their fullest potential saves lives.” Bounty hunters arrived to the state and both the Valentine and Annesburg Sheriff’s Offices reported a large increase in bounties being brought in.
“On one day I must have processed a dozen bounties in the first couple hours of my shift,” said one Annesburg Sheriff, “we had to charter extra boats to transport them to make room!” Valentine deputies reported loading more prisoners than usual on to train transports. State police say the state is much safer than it was before. “With so many outlaws locked up, New Hanover residents will be safer than ever,” state police said, “we will work with local law enforcement, if they let us, to keep the state safe.”
Strange duo spotted in Saint Denis causing a ruckus
By Emmaline Vickroy
Two men walked into the Bastille Saloon and instantly drew attention to themselves. “One is dressed in bright yellow, the other all red,” a witness said, “they looked foolish if you ask me.” Their colorful attire stood out as not particularly fancy enough for the Bastille. However, witnesses described them both as being gruff in both appearance and attitude. As a result, nobody tried to deny them a drink. “I don’t like the type but a customer is a customer, so long as they pay,” said Bastille owner Elijah Howard, “of course, then they pulled out guns and well.. that I can’t allow.” The men ignored orders to leave and the one in red eventually pulled the trigger, shooting the man in yellow in the head. People fled the saloon though a few patrons stayed behind. “I had bought an entire bottle and I wasn’t leaving until I was finished,” said one patron, “so color me surprised when that fella in yellow stood back up as if he had never been shot at all.”
Witnesses and police say that the two men then fought each other all over the city, causing a major ruckus. “Lots of folks fight and manage to keep it contained,” one witness said, “but they threw each other into moving wagons, other people, in front of a tram, it was horrible!” Local police were forced to fire on the men and bring them down. They bodies were brought to the Saint Denis Police Station. However, the bodies allegedly disappeared. “We aren’t sure what happened, must have been grave robber types,” said a policeman, “not like a dead body can just get up and walk away on its own.”
Free food for all!
By Adam Parvey
Wheeler, Rawson, & Co. surprised Five States residents this week with free food items. The company offered free food items through their catalogue as well as on in store purchases. “I ain’t usually one to let items leave my store for free,” said on general store owner, “but the Wheeler & Rawson folks said they will pay for all goods so long as we track them.” “We recognize that times are tough for some folks and wanted to spread a bit of cheer,” a spokesman for Wheeler, Rawson, & Co. said, “it was a simple matter of sharing the wealth from our success!” While many folks without cash may forage or hunt for food for their family, the free food products were welcomed. “Variety at the table is nice,” said one resident, “some canned goods for when times are tougher is even nicer.”
It was not just food items that were free, however. Alcohol and tobacco products were also included in this deal. Given the high profit these items generate, it was a bit shocking that they were offered for free as well. Though some believe this suggests a nefarious goal. “Get a man a cigar or bottle in their hand and you risk consumption rearing its head,” one cowpoke warned, “folks who wouldn’t be able to afford such things will have no choice once consumption takes over.” Wheeler, Rawson, & Co. refute such explanations. “We are just trying to help folks out,” they said in a statement, “people should still exercise restraint and good decision making skills.”
The Five States Herald 