Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Mythical Treasure Claims Another Life!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax – Lead Correspondent
We all heard about it as a child, stories that pirates buried treasure. Maybe it was a grandparent who claimed to know someone who knew someone. Perhaps it was a local drunk who said he held onto a map of great value. Or you just read it in a book. I experienced all three at some point in my youth; it just made sense.
If you steal something, wouldn’t you want to protect it? Saying that out loud now feels comical, but it made sense to a child’s ears. The truth of the matter is, it appears very few pirates ever did this, save one. The legendary Captain Kidd briefly hid stolen goods on an island off of New York; it was found quickly, and he was hanged within a few years. But rumors abound that he hid more; people have said this since 1701. Numerous people have sat out to find the treasure; unfortunately, not everyone has returned.
David Woodard is a local New Yorker who went out into the upper state forests, convinced he knew a spot where treasure was hidden. He was armed only with a shovel; local authorities found him late yesterday evening. It appears he managed to anger some predators, wolves perhaps. All in pursuit of treasure that very likely never existed.
We dream of the impossible as children, and we reach for them as adults. But a dream is a dream; we wish it to be true, but it’s just a yearning of the heart, little more.
Man claims to have beat up his doppelganger, but is dismissed by law enforcement
By Jose Chavez
A cowpoke says he won a fight against the toughest man he has ever known: himself. He said that his double came out of nowhere and immediately got into a fight with them. “I have no brother, twin or otherwise,” they said, “so I gave this thing a beating it will never forget.” Tumbleweed law enforcement say no such fight happened. “He’s lying, plain and simple,” said one deputy, “he is trying to save face ’cause the truth his, he don’t hit so hard.” The deputy explained that while enjoying a cigarette, the man came up and sucker punched him in the face. “I was a bit surprised because I didn’t feel a thing, but thought he punched me,” the deputy said, “I just kept smoking and figured, no reason to give him attention hitting as soft as he did.” The deputy had thought of arresting him but figured doing nothing was punishment in a way. He was right, as it led to the outlandish stories of beating up their double.
Man dies of apparent exhaustion
By Jane Duran
A man was found dead on a common trail in Ambarino. There were no visible wounds nor was there any sign of a struggle. “There was no concerning paths into the wilderness to indicate an attacker fleeing the scene,” said one investigator, “so I think he collapsed here and that was that.” The body was taken to Strawberry, where the town doctor examined it. “It seems like he was dehydrated, based on the condition of his gums,” the doctor said, “he also sweated profusely into his clothes, so I think he was engaged in physical activity, like running, before the collapse.” Why the man would have been running at the time is anyone’s guess. There is no indication of a horse or anything, suggesting he ran a great distance to get to the isolated part of the trail he was found. “Folks often think running in cooler weather is less exhausting,” the doctor explained, “but that’s simply not true and well, I think caused this man his life.”
Moonshine trafficking increased
By Odell Clifton
Revenue agents have reported an increase in moonshine bootlegging activity. “We’ve come to expect catching a wagon or two per week, but we’ve been catching much more than that,” one agent said, “last week we caught seven wagons full of moonshine.” The agents do not have an explanation as for why the increase in bootlegging activities have occurred, but they are speculating that it has to do with the Great Plains Sniper. “For a long time the Sniper was gone, missing, hiding so they wouldn’t be arrested,” an agent said, “the sudden appearance of the Sniper or a copycat has likely emboldened moonshiners.” The agents believe that current moonshiners may have ramped up production but also that new moonshiners have likely joined the black market. Agents have found moonshine stills in cabin basements, in abandoned buildings, and even in dense forest areas. “The ease of operation and setup make moonshining an attractive way to make money,” an agent said, but warned, “but it’s illegal and we will catch you.”
Ambusher pays for their aggression with their life
By Donna Deshner
An unidentified man attempted an ambush killing in Valentine this week in broad daylight. A cowpoke was riding their horse down the main road in Valentine when witnesses say they suddenly fell off their horse. The man had been hit with a bolas and wrapped up completely. The ambusher showed themselves then and started shooting at their prone victim. The victim however, would lay there in defeat. Witnesses say the struggled and managed to the get the bolas off and get back up. The victim turned into the aggressor and tackled the attacker. Deputies had started to arrive by this time but did nothing as the attacker was strangled to death in self defense. Deputies did conduct a quick investigation and confirmed that murder was justified. Law enforcement did not specify what happened to the body but witnesses say it was dragged out of town and left for the scavengers.
Dead horse finishes last job
By Emeline Vickroy
In a truly sad story, a transporter had to say good pay to a loyal employee and friend this week. Colt Troner, a long time Saint Denis resident who runs a city-wide transportation business, lost one his horses while on the job. “I was riding through the city as ever and he looked back then collapsed,” Mr. Troner said, “but he fell onto the mantle, which supported his weight.” Mr. Troner explained that he had a decision to make then and there. “I could stop, delay my deliveries and leave my horses there while I went to get help,” he said, “or keep on riding and let him finish his last delivery before taking him home.” He chose the latter. Saint Denis residents took a respectful stance as they saw the wagon ride through town.
Gang hunting immortals in the Five States?
By Lucien Privitt
Another bizarre story is going around the Five States. Among tales of doppelgangers, flying crafts from other worlds, and literal demons, the story of two immortals hunting gangs across the Five States still stands out. Many witnesses have reported two men, one dressed in red and black and the other in yellow and blue, taking out gangs with their bare hands and melee weapons. “They got shot at, and pretty sure they got hit a few times,” said one witness, “but they would just flinch and kept running at the outlaws, taking them out with a sword of some sort!” Law enforcement have received reports of the vigilantes, but dismiss them despite the fact that dozens of outlaw gangs have been dismantled in the last couple of weeks. “I know our region gets its fair share of vigilantes, but these stories make no sense,” said one lawman who asked we not reveal his identity, “but these vigilantes have been shot many times according to witnesses, and ain’t no man can survive getting shot as many times as people say these fellas have.”
There are a few possible explanations here. Witnesses may simply be wrong and did not see what happened accurately. This is certainly possible with several witnesses in stressful conditions. It is possible witnesses are lying, perhaps having heard such tall tales and then exaggerate their own stories. Finally, though unlikely, perhaps this pair of vigilantes are immortal, healing from wounds that would kill others. As unlikely as that story is, at least some witness stories support it. From Blackwater to Saint Denis and beyond, witnesses have reported two men that match the description of the vigilantes as engaging in a fist fight on the street. “I saw them exchanging punches and laughing about it, taunting each other,” a Saint Denis resident said, “they seemed to be having more fun than actually committed to violence.” In fact, witnesses say the pair eventually stopped fighting and headed into a local saloon for drinks. “I know this sounds impossible, but I’m telling you, it’s true,” one man said, “I watched them drink, and saw the one without a mask heal before my own eyes, large cuts and scrapes just gone!”
Though law enforcement believe the stories of the pair’s immortality and invincibility are largely exaggerated, they are collecting what information on them that they can find. According to several statements, the masked man in red and black was called Wade by the one without a mask in yellow and blue. The man without a mask’s name is unknown, but people have begun calling him the Wolverine, due to his ferocity in combat. Collectively, law enforcement are referring to them as The Wolverine & Wade, as they do not want to use the term “immortal vigilantes” for fear of encouraging the exaggerated rumors of their durability.
The Five States Herald 