Large stockpile of capitale found in deserted church
By Jose Chavez
New Austin Rangers noticed that a deserted church in New Austin was getting a lot of visitors, which drew their interest. “The location is visited sometimes, people like the idea of a rustic wedding there for some reason,” one Ranger said, “but this was regular visits, like folks were living there.” The Rangers investigated when nobody was around and found a massive amount of capitale hidden in the church. Capitale is a black market currency that has a widely variable value. “For most, capitale is worth nothing at all,” said a Ranger, “but for some, it is about access to high value targets and items.” The Ranger explained that this access is not guranteed value.

“You do not trade capitale for an item, but for information,” the Ranger said, “capitale lets both parties no they are unsavory, and one will pay the other for the location of a rare item and then go steal it.” The outlaws were arrested upon their return to the church. The capitale was burned but unlikely to affect the value of the currency.

Emmaline Haven released
By Jane Duran
Emmaline Haven, accused of being The Executioner, has been released. As the Executioner, Mrs. Haven is accused of killing an untold number of men who allegedly cheated on their wives, including her own, Mr. Winslow Haven. Mrs. Haven was arrested when she was caught dumping a body into the Dakota River. Following her arrest, Special Agent Rice Philips confirmed that Mrs. Haven’s voice he heard when he was briefly a captive of the Executioner. However, a series of murders following the same pattern as The Executioner shed some doubt on Mrs. Haven’s identity as the serial killer. For weeks her attorney has been fighting for her release and finally got what she asked for. There are strings attached, however.

Mrs. Haven is not allowed to leave the Five States and in fact, has to register her current address with law enforcement. Local lawmen also make daily visits to her location. “Mrs. Haven is currently living with a fraction the dignity an innocent person deserves,” her attorney said, “but soon, after we prove her innocence, she will be afforded her well deserved freedom in full.

Murder in Strawberry leaves residents confused
By Odell Clifton
A man was arrested in Strawberry after killing a man with a single shot to the back of his head. The gunshot startled the typically quiet town and deputies quickly swarmed the shooter and arrested him. The killer did not resist arrest, claiming that it was a fair killing due to the deceased being a demon. Deputies quickly realized this case had a unique aspect, the victim looked exactly like the killer, down to what they wore. “It seemed this was a case of sibling violence,” said “though it was strange for them to dress the same, I suppose.” There was only one wrinkle, the killer said they had no twin brother and that it what he killed had to be a demon trying to take over their life.

“That thing just came out of nowhere, just appeared out of thin air,” the killer said, “it had a strange look in its eye though and so I killed it.” In the days since the deputies have followed up on the killer’s claim. “We managed to speak to the man’s mother, who confirmed that he had no twin brother,” a deputy said, “but all the same, we have a dead body here and the killer has admitted to being the shooter.” The killer will eventually be transferred to Sisika where his ‘demon doppelganger’ defense will be put to the test.

Uneasy tension in Valentine, but now why you think
By Emery Cosberry
The Chelonians entered Valentine this week and caused quite a disturbance. The Chelonians hold turtles in high reverence and shun violence. But they are rarely seen in towns and so their arrival was quite odd. The Chelonians mostly kept to themselves, walking around the town as and talking amongst themselves. “It felt like they were judging us and our way of life, you see,” said one Valentine resident, “I thought to shoot them then and there, but didn’t feel write shooting unarmed folks.” Traders passing through the town faced the greatest of frustrations due to the Chelonians. They seemed to avoid going inside buildings or walking along the wood paths, preferring to walk on the dirt. That mean they were largely walking through the road and blocking wagons from being able to pass.

The Chelonians seemed to be oblivious to the fact that they were blocking the path, however. Fortunately, they did not stay in any one place for too long, so the main road did not remain blocked all day. Though many residents seemed uncomfortable, no violence broke out. “They were friendly enough, not talking to us, but waved and smiled,” one resident said. Eventually the Chelonians left without ever explaining why the visited in the first place.

Moonshiner arrested after exposing their operation in drunken stupor
By Aloysius Levron
A woman walked into the Bastille Saloon holding two bottles in her arms. The bartender quickly realized it was alcohol and asked the woman to leave. “We don’t allow outside alcohol here,” the bartender said, “we aren’t a social club, we are a saloon.” The woman ignored him however and sat down and started drinking. The bartender sent a runner to call for the police. While the police were being notified, the woman drank and got very drunk. She started telling stories about her run ins with federal agents and escaping arrest multiple times. She shared some of her alcohol and discussed the secrets of her recipes. When she ran out of her own alcohol she started inviting patrons to her place. “She said she had her own saloon and we could all drink her high quality alcohol. She then described the exact location, in case anyone wanted to come by after she left. However, the police had arrived by this time.

The Saint Denis police arrested the woman for public disturbance and then notified federal agents of the moonshine location. The location was shutdown by federal agents and the woman was taken into federal custody.

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