Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Giant spotted in the Five States!
By Lucien Privitt
A giant humanoid creature was spotted and photographed in the Five States this week. Two cowpokes came across the giant on the train tracks in Scarlett Meadows. The beast was hunched over something on the tracks when the pair spotted it. They moved a bit closer, not believing what they were seeing. The giant heard them approach and stood up and that is when they saw the true size of the beast. “I thought it was just a tall masked man at first,” said one of the cowpokes, “but when it stood up it was clearly over 10 feet tall!” The cowpokes began to back up as the giant waves a club around in a threatening motion. “I was a bit further back so I pulled out my camera and took a photograph,” one of the cowpokes said, “you can see it’s size compared to my friend there.”
In the photograph you can also make out another body laying on the tracks, likely what the giant was hunched over before it was disturbed. The camera flash seemed to startled the beast. “It yellowed bloody murder after I took the photograph,” the cowpoke said, “I thought it was going to rush at us but instead it ran into the nearby woods.” The dead body was not identified. Several posses have searched the woods but have not been able to find the giant despite its enormous. If not for the photographic evidence, the story would likely just be dismissed as a tall tale.
Daring woman dies going down Manteca Falls
By Jose Chavez
A woman spent several hours preparing for a daring ride down a waterfall. She was spotted by several people throughout the day. In the morning she was spotted by a fisherman on the Dakota River when she boarded an abandoned boat. She was spotted about an hour later as she guided the boat past Blackwater. Sometime later she was spotted in Thieves’ Landing, where she docked briefly and had a meal with locals.
“She said she was traveling into New Austin by way of Manteca Falls,” said a local who ran into her, “when we said that’s a fool’s path, she laughed and said she was no fool and had a plan.” She never elaborated on the plan and eventually left. The next time she was spotted was in south Hennigan’s Stead, where her body washed up to the shoreline dead. Broken pieces of wood that likely belonged to the type of boat she was spotted in were also found along the coastline. It is unclear why the woman attempted the fall and as of now, she has yet to be identified.
Will accused killer be let go?
By Jane Duran
The attorney for Miss Emmaline Haven is demanding her release following the reports of new bodies being found that are consistent with victims of the Executioner, the serial killer Miss Haven is accused of being. “That the Executioner continues to rack up victims while my client is imprisoned is strong evidence that Agent Philips has got the wrong person,” said Miss Haven’s attorney in a press release. Special Agent Rice Philips has acknowledged the bodies after news about them was broke by this vary paper. However, Agent Philips has dismissed the killings as that of a copy cat killer.
“I know it is a copy cat killer because we have the real killer, with plenty of evidence that we will show in court,” Agent Philips said, “I am not ignoring the problem, but choosing to not encourage any more copy cat killers.” Miss Haven is still being held at an undisclosed location. However, this week Miss Haven and her attorney are scheduled to go before a judge who is going to consider ordering her release in light of the new killings.
Immortal in the Great Plains?
By Odell Clifton
There is a story that is as old as the Five States itself, a story of an old man who wanders camp to camp begging for food. There is not a cowpoke in the Five States without a story to tell about the old beggar. Most say they offer the man a bit of food and he leaves, others ignore the man. Either way, he seems to always come back according to some cowpokes.
This week, a cowpoke grew tired of the begging and said he shot the old man dead. “Gimmie? Yea, I’ll give you something,” the man said as he told the story in the Blackwater Saloon, “So I gave him a shot to the head!” No body was ever found so despite the man’s boast, he was not arrested. However, another cowpoke said the man’s story was impossible. “Killed him? Impossible!” the man shouted, “I just gave him some beef a few moments ago!” Rumors immediately started to spread that the old man was an immortal or some spirit of the Five States. Whether different people or truly some supernatural entity, nobody can truly say. Though, supernatural entity seems a bit far fetched, even for the Five States.
Cougar population in Roanoke Ridge becoming a nuisance
By Van R. Seldon
Several hikers have reportedly been attacked by cougars in Roanoke Ridge, north of Annesburg. At first the reports were assumed to be the result of a single aggressive cat, however, the locations suggest multiple aggressive cougars. “Over the course of 3 confirmed deaths and several reported attacks and sightings,” said one wilderness expert, “we are certain that there are multiple cougars involved.” The expert went on to explain that the attacks took place too far apart and not within a single cougar’s territory. State authorities are preparing for a culling. Though experts say there is a delicate balance, human led cullings are sometimes required.
“It pains me to say it, as this is truly the cougars’ homes,” the expert said, “but it’s best for us and them if we keep their population under control.” The goal is to reduce the population to reduce attacks on humans, not eliminate cougars entirely. State officials say there will be gold nugget payments offered for cougar pelts to encourage hunters to participate in the culling.
Commotion in Saint Denis over wanted man
By Emeline Vickroy
Residents of Saint Denis buying their produce for the next few days were in for a shock they had not planned for. Unbeknownst to the shoppers, a wanted man was among them. All the shoppers saw was a man running toward the market with a shotgun in hand. Residents ran and screamed when they saw the armed man as another shopper pulled out a handgun. As local policemen responded to the incident the shotgun wielding cowpoke yelled out, “that man right there is wanted!” The pistol wielding shopper, who was actually a wanted man, charged at the shotgun wielder, which turned out to be a mistake. Witnesses heard a single blast from the shotgun and the pistol wielder fell to the ground. Policemen swarmed the area while the killer showed an authentic bounty poster.
The bounty hunter was not arrested once the proof of the outlaw’s status as a wanted man was confirmed. They took the corpse to the police station while the policemen worked to calm residents. The incident has led to some criticism of the bounty hunter program, as some are now suggesting bounty hunters where an official uniform. One bounty hunter scoffed at the notion, “what do they expect us to wear?” they asked, “all black and a bunch of skulls like an eater of death?”
Cowpokes want new rules for poker across the Five States
By Frederick Vannesse
For years it seems that poker games have been ruined by people who simply do not know how to play the game, or perhaps do but lack the patience to enjoy it. “I enjoy poker, it’s a thinking game, gotta consider what you have and what you can see,” one cowpoke said, “it gets tense when the pot builds up each round, but some assholes just make the max allowed bet on the first round and just ruin the damn game!” Several poker players have shared similar stories. It is unclear if ignorance is driving the playstyle or just other players intentionally ruining the game. Most tables in the Five States have a maximum bet of $5, which makes petting to the maximum very safe. Some have suggested various rule changes that could improve the experience of all players.
“I think if there was no max bet, well, games could go multiple rounds properly,” said one cowpoke, “it would be too risky to bet all your money in a single hand.” Some have suggested capping how much could be bet per round. However, nobody seems to be interested in reforming the rules of poker in the Five States. Players are now trying to organize to force changes. “I think we should make a pact of sorts,” said one frequent poker player, “anytime one of these losers bets max chips in the first round we just fold and walk away until they have no real players left to play with.” It is unlikely that this strategy will work. Few players are committed to it, particularly if they get a good hand early in the game. Another problem is that the max betters are a large part of the population. For many, they will have to accept that poke in the Five States is just as often like playing a slot machine.
The Five States Herald 