Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
What is our National Anthem to be?
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax – Lead Correspondent
Starting with the French in the 1830s, nations slowly but surely began choosing a song to represent the entire nation. Usually, it’s a song of great cultural significance; for France, that song goes back to the Revolution; for Britain, it’s a theme for the monarchy, as loathed as it may be. What are we to use?
A typical candidate is the Star Spangled Banner, which is about a battle in the War of 1812, not exactly our Revolution but in a similar spirit regardless, and quite a popular tune. Of course, if you ask a Southerner, they may say Dixie, a song that is still an anthem for the region, and hated by the North for obvious reasons.
The most cited candidate has probably been the Battle Hymn of the Republic, the Union anthem with words such as, “As He died to make men holy, let us die to make men free.” It’s unlikely to catch on in the South, but it’s a powerful song regardless.
It’s unclear when a song will be chosen; it’s not something Congress will just vote on; it rather has to come about naturally before politicians could even vote on it. When will that be? Could be a while, perhaps even decades, but when it does, I hope it will at least be better than Britain’s.
Woman found dead in Cholla Springs, gored to death
By Jose Chavez
An unidentified woman was found dead in the hot desert sun this week. A cowpoke traveling from Tumbleweed to Armadillo said they saw vultures circling and diving down not far off the road. When they went to investigate they saw a dead woman who had not yet begun decomposing. She was full of scrapes and bruises and her clothes were ripped and bloody. A broken antler was protruding from her ribs.
Experts looked at the antler and determined it was from an elk, possibly an ozula elk, a rare type of elk seen in the area. “Elk usually will run away, but sometimes they feel too threatened to run,” said one expert, “so they charge and let me tell you, you don’t want to be on the business end of an elk charge.” Elk can weight between 500 and 600 pounds, which turns into a lot of force when charging. New Austin authorities are trying to identify the woman in order to contact next of kin.
Murders covered up by investigators!
By Jane Duran
Special Agent Rice Philips has been in the Five States for several months now, investigating the serial killer called The Executioner, so named for the fatal gunshot to the head each victim suffers from. For the past several weeks, Agent Philips has held Emmaline Haven as his suspect in the murder. Miss Haven was recently moved after her location had been found out and an breakout attempt was made. This week, I learned startling information.
Several bodies have been found by investigators. Bodies of men killed with gunshots to the head. Bodies of men who could not have been killed by Miss Emmaline Haven. Special Agent Philips has kept this quiet, however, with my anonymous source telling me that a warning was given out all agents to keep quiet or lose your job. After learning about the bodies, Special Agent Philips responded through a spokesperson, saying, “we are aware of a copy cat killer and decided to not give them attention, but we are investigating.” The message also reasserted that Miss Haven is guilty. The news coming out now may shake the confidence the public has in Special Agent Philips and his team.
Prison escape leads to manhunt in West Elizabeth
By Odell Clifton
A bounty hunter’s efficiency led to a prison break this week. After turning in a man wanted for robbery and murder, a bounty hunter left Blackwater only to return within the hour with another bounty. And this is where it all went wrong. One of the cells was malfunctioning and required double occupancy in the available cell. When a policeman opened that cell to deposit the newly brought in outlaw, the one already there ran out.
The outlaws hit the policeman with such force that they collapsed on the ground out of breath. A policeman in the front office responded and saw the cell open and one outlaw there, though they were confused at first and assumed the outlaw that was present attacked the policeman. The outlaw was secured and when the injured lawman explained what happen, an alarm bell was sounded. Policemen searched the city and were told by several witnesses that a man got on a horse and rode hard south. The outlaw was not located.
Harriet Davenport claims she is being targeted by the wealthy families of Saint Denis
By Ivy Seager
Last week naturalist Harriet Davenport protested in front of the Saint Denis Police Station when local authorities refused to arrest a man who killed an alligator. Her movement was not joined by others and she was largely ignored. This week, however, she says she is being targeted by families in Saint Denis she upset with her protest. “The wealthy of Saint Denis do not want animals protected because they want their faux hunts,” Miss Davenport said, “their mockeries of different times where they can pretend to be anything but the lazy do-things they are and so now, they put their money to use against me and my cause!” The evidence, according to Miss Davenport is a slate of gold nugget offers made in the Five States. Unknown people are paying gold nuggets for coyote skins, bird feathers, and in once case, to just trample an animal.
Miss Davenport believes these are personal attacks against her. “Why else would someone do this, what can someone gain from these stupid behaviors?” Miss Davenport asked. The distributors of the gold nuggets have not revealed the identity of whoever it is funding these offers, so it is impossible to be sure that Miss Davenport is the target.
Prisoner held in wagon instead of jail cell due to smell
By Emery Cosberry
A bounty hunter captured a man wanted for a variety of violent crimes. This man has been quite evasive, escaping capture multiple times. The bounty hunter got creative and used a scented tracking arrow to ensure the outlaw could not escape. The tracking arrow was a success. “I don’t know if it’s the nature of the scent or just that he had an arrow in the ass,” a deputy said, “that led to their capture, but the smell is overwhelming in the office.” The solution was to take the prisoner outside. They were put in a secured prison wagon where they stayed overnight. Eventually the smell died off and the man was brought back inside. The prisoner now is claiming he received cruel and unusual punishment, a violation of his constitutional rights. However, a spokesperson for the New Hanover justice department said, “the 8th Amendment applies to the Congress, not the New Hanover state legislature.” Other legal experts agreed and said the prisoner likely has no case.
Fogginess leads to several deaths
By Emeline Vickroy
A thick fog covered Saint Denis one early morning this week. The fog was so thick that people reported being unable to see just a few feet in front of them. This brought the usually busy city to a crawl, as folks avoided going out in the thick fog. Those who did go out reported several injuries. While most injuries were minor, a few collisions and horse crashes, there were a few deaths reported at the Saint Denis train station. A train came into station and though its light was on, many seemed to not notice. It blew the warning horn, but the thick fog muted it. As a result, half a dozen people were hit by the train. Four died at the scene and a fifth died hours later. The sixth survived by had his leg removed.
Authorities are considering new rules for foggy weather, including slowing the trains down to prevent such accidents. Such plans do not provide solace to the families of the victims, who will get nothing as the deaths were determined to be a weather related accident and not the result of negligence.
Need a new job in the Five States? Be an artist
By Nick McCrary
As the economic stagnation in the Five States continues, nobody really cares anymore. It has become the new normal. Some optimism has shown itself, however. For those with certain skills, new jobs a common and frequent. That skills set: art. All over the Five States, cowpokes have commissioned paintings of themselves. Once private commissions were a thing only the wealthy and elite could afford. Working cowpokes could barely dream of such a prize. However, one part of the economic stagnation has led to a lot of wealthy people in the Five States. There is nothing new to spend money on. This has resulted in cowpokes with disposable income willing to spend it on fancy paintings of themselves.
It has become quite popular for cowpokes to hang these paintings of themselves in public where others can see. In fact, it has become a status symbol for have a painting of yourself. Cowpokes without such paintings are seen as, well, run of the mill folks. Those with paintings are frequently called legends and heroes, as if the it is the paintings and not the deeds that people notice and remember.
The Five States Herald 