Issue CCCL

Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.

Global temperature back on the rise after a sharp decline

By Ivy Seager

The scientific community has been recording global temperatures since 1880 in an effort to better understand our world. With over a decade of data, a trend has been noticed. Global temperatures appear to fluctuate within a fairly stable range. “Though we do see temperature changes globally, we also see consistent highs and lows,” said one researcher, “at this point, it appears these are natural fluctuations.” The most recent report indicates that we are exiting a low point and global temperatures will be on the rise again. Five States business man Leviticus Cornwall says the report is just fear mongering. “These alleged scientists try to ease us into the idea of global temperature fluctuations, trying to sound all smart and neutral,” Mr. Cornwall said, “but the truth is they are funded by the enemies of industry and buried in the neutral tone and rhetoric is a threat that we humans, specifically industrial humans, are causing the warning.”

While the report does make reference to an unknown effect of new industrial enterprises, it does not lay the blame on humans. Though that does not seem to put Mr. Cornwall at ease, as he has spent time in a considerable amount of time in Washington arguing that Congress should reject the opinion of global scientists. “American science should lead the way, just as we’ve led the way in everything from freedom to industrial advancement,” Mr. Cornwall argued before a full Congress, “so until out science confirms these findings, we should reject their conclusions!”

Congress has not officially discussed the report.

Secret location of The Executioner exposed!
By Jose Chavez
Emmaline W. Haven has been held at an undisclosed location for weeks now, after she was arrested under suspicious of being The Executioner, a murderer that targets men who are unfaithful to their wives. While the agency, led by Special Agent Rice Philips, builds the case against Mrs. Haven she has been held at an undisclosed location. Somehow, that undisclosed location has gotten out. Mrs. Haven had been held at an abandoned home in New Austin. The home was lightly fortified and had several guards on the property, though mostly relied on appearing inconspicuous. This week the home was attacked by a pair of women. The women rode toward the home driving a wagon under the false pretense of having a delivery. The guards did not buy it and demanded the women turn around. Instead, they pulled out shotguns. One guard was killed in the attack while the others returned fire, killing the women. Among the women’s possessions was a hand written manifesto that described Mrs. Haven as a hero. Mrs. Haven was quickly moved to a new location, one that is described as far more secure.

Party of hunters seeks massive bear near O’Creagh’s Run
By Jane Duran
Three hunters told their last story in Annesburg before heading into Ambarino to hunt for an infamous grizzly in the region. Each of the hunters told stories of encountering the one eyed beast, a bear that seems to be as old as memory itself. The beat has been known to attack travelers that get too close to its home, which happens to be close to the popular fishing area O’Creagh’s run. After eating, drinking, and entertaining others with their stories, the posse set off to put an end to the large bear. They were not heard from for several days until one of the men rode back into Annesburg laying unconcious on the back of their horse. The man was injured badly, having several bruises and cuts with dried blood all around his wounds. The man was unable to speak and though his wounds were cleaned an attended to, he died within hours. Others searched through the area but did not find the others, though they did find their camp. “The camp looked like it had been attacked, with drag makes and evidence of panic,” said one of the men who found the camp, “we did find bear fur, so it appears they were caught by surprise.” It is assumed that the men are dead and that the old ancient bear lives to fight another day.

Catalogue of captured bounties created in Blackwater
By Odell Clifton
Blackwater is one of the hotspots in the Five States for bounty hunting. A lot of outlaws make their way to West Elizabeth or sometimes further south into New Austin, making Blackwater an ideal staging ground for many bounty hunters. The town as started a visual catalogue for all of the outlaws brought to justice in Blackwater. While bounty hunters do not need to participate, many are eager to do so, especially when paid in gold nugget bonuses. Bounty hunter after bounty hunter tossed hogtied men and women against the wall of the Blackwater Police Department to take a photograph while they squirmed and screamed. Several Blackwater residents took to standing around the police station to watch the hardened outlaws posed like children begrudgingly taking a photograph. It was not long before police noticed there were far more outlaws than usual being brought in. “Folks came from all over to bring outlaws into Blackwater,” said one policeman, “for the extra gold or for the opportunity to be memorialized for the rest of time, who knows?” While Blackwater Police Department jail cells quickly filled up, they arranged temporary holding areas using prison wagons just outside the station. Prisoners were eventually transferred to Sisika by ship.


They say you can’t buy happiness, but for $3.75 you can buy Old Blood Eyes Kentucky Bourbon. Might be the closest you can get to buying happiness.

Panic in Smithfield’s Saloon, but not the kind you imagine
By Donna Deshner
Patrons of Smithfield’s Saloon were in for a shock this week. Several residents reported seeing a stampede of people fleeing the saloon, though it was not clear why. “I saw them folks just running and screaming from Smithfield’s, which ain’t uncommon of course,” said one resident, “but I didn’t hear no gunshots or fight, so what was they running from?” That something was a lion, a ferocious and exotic big cat from Africa. “I don’t know how it got where it was,” said Cliff Douglas, owner of Smithfield’s Saloon, “but there it was, a lion, of course I didn’t quite know what it was before, first one I ever saw!” Patrons immediately screamed and fled the saloon. One patron remained, however, and continued drinking despite the danger of the big cat. “I wish they’d have left,” said Mr. Douglas, “as I can’t leave as long as I have customer needs serving.” The lion cautiously watched the bartender and cowpoke, looking hungrier by the minute. Mr. Douglas explained he ended the situation as best he knew how: served the lion as a guest.

“I have that regal looking creature a juice piece of lamb,” Mr. Douglas laughed, “then poured a whisky in a bowl and set it nearby.” The lion ate and drank, then passed out. A panicked man with English accent soon walked in, after seeing the commotion outside, and rejoiced upon seeing the sleeping lion. “That strange fella explained it was his lion, some kind of circus traveling through the Five States,” Mr. Douglas explained, “he took the lion and said he’d be around for a year or two.” Patrons returned to the saloon uneasily, but after a couple rounds of free drinks the entire ordeal was mostly forgotten.

Train riders quickly exit train before it comes to a complete stop, leaving several injured
By Aloysius Levron
Authorities were shocked when they saw the scene unfold in front of them. The train slowed down as it came into the station only for several riders to begin jumping from the train. “I saw a chaotic scene, riders were up and pushing at the doors and event trying to push through the windows,” said a Saint Denis police officer who was nearby, “train hadn’t even stopped and folks were jumping out.” Others quickly noticed as screams drew their attention. Several were injured, many grievously so. When the train finally came to a stop more riders flooded out, only adding to the injuries. Some suffered mild scrapes and bruises, others broken legs and ankles, and still others suffered worse. “A fella was brought to me with half his leg cut off and crushed,” said Dr. Joseph R. Barnes, “I had to finish the job, poor son of a bitch.”

One of the riders began telling their story. After leaving Rhodes, riders heard a bunch of noise on the roof. “Sounded like a few fellows were on the roof, but for what, I couldn’t tell you,” said one rider, “then they started just shooting but at what, I don’t know.” Other riders told similar stories, though one got a view. “I heard the shooting and couldn’t them, but I could see what they were shooting,” said one rider, “I saw several birds falling out of the sky.” Panic took over the train and as the train approached the station, that panic grew exponentially. “It’s like we saw an end to the danger coming,” said one rider. They then began pushing for the exit, culminating in the grisly scene that unfolded at the station. Three of the riders were killed, a number that may grow larger as several of the injured are considered to be in critical condition. Authorities searched for the shooters but could not find them.

Rise in Workforce Writing, not Working!

By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax – Lead Correspondent

If you run a company, have you checked what your employees have been doing lately?  Has the accountant been running numbers properly?  Has the secretary been making notes accurately?  Because it appears the odds are, they probably aren’t.

This week, a man working as an accountant for a firm in Saint-Denis was caught spending most of his time writing a story.  A little story about flying machines and Gatling guns, just to pass the time.  But upon being caught, he pleaded that almost everyone in the department was doing the same.

Sure enough, numerous writing desks were searched, and stories that ran the gauntlet from romantic to horror were found.  The man in charge of the firm was planning on firing anyone caught, but changed his mind upon realizing that he would be firing nearly half his workforce.

It is strongly suspected this isn’t limited to just this one company.  Workers across the Five States are most likely passing the time at boring jobs by entertaining themselves with paper and pen.  Lord knows I can relate to a degree.  But I suppose this brings up another matter, if they weren’t working, how did nobody notice for such an extended period of time?  Perhaps the value of the boss is just as much in question…

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