Mission Statement:
To endeavor to bring to all residents of the Five States the most current and important news from across the entire Five States region. Never yellow, the Five States Herald vows to serve only the people of the Five States, from New Austin to Lemoyne, free of charge now and forever.
Cartoonist Flees Debt!
By Sofia Kathleen Fairfax – Lead Correspondent
The great American story of this century has been one of moving away from what you have known in the East to new lands in the West. Whether this is true or not is endlessly debated, but it is the story we have stuck with; it is universal, no matter what condition you are in.
The cartoonist Hic Heisler is the latest to embark on this story. Beloved and hated in the New York area for his caricatures and drawings, he has been a master of pen and paper for decades. But times aren’t like they once were, and he has fallen into financial ruin and debt as the papers he worked for either died off or kicked him away.
To escape this crushing debt, he has decided to move West. Rumors are swirling that he intends to live in the Five States, perhaps in a bustling city, perhaps in the countryside, or even in a lonely little cabin. Many are betting on these outcomes, as those with substantial wealth and limited patience often do. I welcome him with open arms to our abode. Life is different and sometimes harder, but you can begin again, no matter who you are or what you’ve done.
Another outlaw claims rights violations from bounty hunter
By Jose Chavez
An outlaw was recently hauled into Tumbleweed by a bounty hunter, but the capture has sparked more talk than the crime itself. The outlaw, still fuming when brought before the authorities, loudly claimed they had been “harassed” and mistreated during the pursuit. According to their complaint, the bounty hunter had a strange way of making an arrest, insisting, “He lasso’d me, then let me go just to do it again, then did it a third time and dragged me a bit!”
Locals couldn’t help but snicker at the outlaw’s complaints, with one bystander remarking that being caught three times over just proved how slippery the fugitive really was. The sheriff, meanwhile, showed little sympathy, stating that as long as the outlaw arrived alive and in one piece, the bounty hunter’s methods were “within reason.” Whether the claims of mistreatment hold water or not, the outlaw now finds themselves behind bars, perhaps wishing they’d been less vocal about how many times they were roped like a runaway calf.
Madam Nazar feared to be supernatural creature
By Jane Duran
In Ambarino, a cowpoke caused a stir after attempting to kill Madam Nazar with a stick of dynamite, only for the fortune-teller to emerge completely unharmed, smudges of black powder the only evidence of the explosion. Witnesses were left baffled, and no explanation for the strange assault was ever given. Despite the severity of the act, the cowpoke was not arrested, as no evidence of harm could be found and Madam Nazar herself declined to press charges, leaving witnesses to whisper about both her mysterious resilience and the curious turn of justice. Many are asking if she is a supernatural creature. Madam Nazar denied such “preposterous claims.”
Cowpoke joins a posse randomly and makes fast friends
By Odell Clifton
A curious scene played out this week when a random cowpoke strolled up to a posse and announced they had been “challenged” to join. Without much more explanation, the drifter simply saddled up alongside the group as if they’d been friends for years. Amused rather than bothered, the posse let the newcomer tag along, and before long the stranger was sharing campfires, swapping tall tales, and even helping themselves to the group’s beans and coffee like they belonged there all along.
What started as a harmless tagalong quickly turned into full-blown partnership when the posse decided to take on a bounty job, hunting down an outlaw in Tall Trees. To everyone’s surprise, the new cowpoke pulled their weight, wrangling fugitives and laughing through the chaos like it was all part of the challenge. By the end of the ride, no one seemed entirely sure whether the drifter had officially joined or not—but between the shared spoils and good humor, the posse agreed that sometimes the best members are the ones who just show up and never leave.
Outlaw attempts to shoot up Valentine as train leaves station
By Donna Deshner
A chaotic scene unfolded in Valentine when a train departing the station erupted into gunfire. Witnesses said an outlaw aboard one of the passenger cars suddenly drew a weapon and began firing at townsfolk on the platform. Panic set in as residents scattered for cover, the sharp cracks of gunfire echoing through the street. For a moment, it seemed the outlaw might escape unchallenged as the train picked up speed.
But fate had other plans. One would-be victim managed to fight back by throwing a bolas at the shooter, which put an immediate stop to the shooting. At the same time, a brave onlooker leapt onto the moving train, confronting the gunslinger directly. Between the two, they quickly gained the upper hand—the outlaw was wrapped in a bolas, was unceremoniously pushed from the train. The outlaw was left bruised and humiliated, cursing and making threats as he was arrested. Valentine’s residents cheered the quick thinking and grit of two unexpected heroes.
Will stagecoach theft reignite a dormant feud?
By Emeline Vickroy
A grisly discovery was made at the Braithwaite Manor in Lemoyne this week after a stagecoach went missing. Investigators reported finding several dead on the estate, some with their throats slit, others felled by arrows to the head. The coach itself vanished while in route to its destination, its guards and drivers left slain where they stood. To make matters worse, what the coach was carrying remains unknown, though whispers in Rhodes suggest it was no ordinary cargo.
The Braithwaites have laid the blame not only on the killers but on their longtime rivals, the Grays, accusing them of turning a blind eye to the theft and failing to properly investigate. Though Sheriff Leigh Grays denies any negligence, tensions between the two families are once again on the rise. With the missing stagecoach still unaccounted for and bodies left in its wake, locals fear this could spark yet another round of bloodshed in Lemoyne’s long-standing feud.
Bank error reported, corrected, and “rewarded”
By Ivy Seager
A resident of the Five States was stunned after checking their bank account and discovering a sudden deposit of $1 million. Instead of rushing to spend it, the individual promptly reported the mistake to their local branch. After reviewing the records, the bank admitted that a clerk had accidentally entered the wrong figure, adding a few too many zeros. Officials noted that the error might have gone unnoticed for quite some time if not for the resident’s sharp eye and honesty.
As thanks for returning the million they never truly had, the bank awarded the resident a reward of $100. While appreciated, the gesture sparked more than a few laughs from onlookers, who joked that it seemed a little light compared to the fortune that slipped away. One local quipped, “That’s like swapping a wagonload of gold for a sack of beans.” Still, the resident walked away with a clean conscience, a slightly heavier wallet, and perhaps a fleeting daydream of what might have been.
The Five States Herald 